Esplin

How to spend too much money taking your family to Disney World without regretting that you haven't any money left to jet off to Paris*

2012-01-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

*not saying we accomplished this, just gonna tell you how we might have succeeded had we done a few things differently

First, how we spent our money:

1) Round trip airlines tickets: $158 x 5 = $790 + various unreasonable fees = $930

2) Six nights at a Disney hotel: $444

3) Five, 5-day park hopper tickets to Disney World: $1589

4) Five, 2-day park hopper tickets to Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure (where Hogwarts is!): $806

5) Four separate Cab fares to and from Disney and Universal: $150

6) Seven days worth of food for a family of five: $760

7) Souvenir money: N/A

8) TOTAL: $4,679 (or $935 per person, if you wanted to put that in perspective for your family)

We try to take at least one big family vacation a year to some place new. These trips cost us anywhere from $2,500-$4,000, the cheapest (and bestest!) being Washington DC. (I highly recommend pricing out DC for your family. Wait for a good deal on flights and hotel, and then enjoy lots of free entertainment. God bless America!)

Last year we decided 'twas time to travel to Disney World. But it is crazy expensive. We priced it at around $9,000 for our family of five. We could go to some place super exotic, like Burbank Alaska, for that price! So we decided to skip our "big trip to some place new!" in 2011 (although we did take driving trips to visit family and friends), save up our money, and wait for good deals to D-World in 2012. We ended up getting some good deals, making some good spending choices, and making some not-so-good spending choices.

So, analyzing the costs...

1) Airfare. This was our crowning achievement. That fare is freakishly low. It's lower than a double-jointed roller skater in a limbo contest. Trust me. I've regularly checked airfare from LV to Orlando for the last 3 years and that's the lowest I've ever seen it. Plus, Southwest, so no charge for baggage.

In booking this cheap flight, we had to take our kids out of school (which stresses me out, so I rarely-if-ever do this) and we accidentally picked "testing week" to leave town so Cord had to schedule make-up tests (ulcer inducing). But it meant we were also vacationing during Off Season, which was a plus for many obvious reasons that I will state anyway in great detail throughout this post to make myself feel better about the irresponsible parent stuff.

2) Hotel. We stayed at the infamous Disney's All Star Music Resort. This was our first mistake. The price was right (greatly reduced from the normal outlandish price, due to us traveling [brilliantly] during Off Season), but it wasn't worth the savings for the two following reasons.

First, to get that price, we booked a hotel room for 4 people (max) and we had 5 people.

We are horrible, horrible people who laugh in the face of fire codes and cheat hotel moguls out of extra-person fees. We always pull this trick. Sneak lil' Homey in. It's no big deal cuz we always do it and it's no big deal, right? Wrong. At Disney World, where every man, woman, and child are accounted for and billed accordingly, it is a big deal. You see, each person in your room gets his/her own "Key to the World" room key, which is Disney's way of making sure they charge 6-year-olds for sleeping on the floor. No one gets a free place to stay. You use your "Key to the World" key, along with your admission ticket, to get into the Disney parks significantly early/stay late, which is also the only reason you stay at a Disney hotel rather than book a cheaper/nicer hotel on Priceline.

We quickly realized our error while sitting on our double-sized beds with our legs crossed (so as not to take up all the floor space), reading the pamphlet they gave us. Our lil' stow-a-way did NOT get a "Key to the World" key, although he would always have the key to our hearts, even though we don't like paying extra for him. After a brief argument where Tony and I blamed each other for everything from the price of gas to global warming, we swallowed our pride and made an embarrassing phone call to the hotel concierge, admitting what we had done in an "aw shucks, we're jus' simple country folks, we mean no harm" kind-of way. They let us sweat it out for a good 30 minutes and bite our fingernails to the nubs, but they eventually agreed to let us stay in our $444, cramped, poorly decorated room-for-four (did I mention the double beds?), and gave Homey his own different-looking* "Key to the World."

*a constant reminder that we were cheating the Disney corporation.

Reason number two this hotel was a mistake, is that the hotel had a bad ambiance. That sounds stupid when I type it out. Anyway, it's hard for me to explain why the ambiance was bad, although the ghastly photos hint at the problem. I will say that our tiny room was clean, the hotel grounds were well-kept, and the staff was friendly. I just didn't want to be there, the same way I don't want to be at Chuck E Cheese's. And we were forking out so much for this trip... and staying at a no-good hotel??

I'm all about good deals, but I also think a bad hotel can make or break your vacation. Do I look forward to crashing at our hotel at the end of the night, or do I dread it? Does the location add an extra hour of travel time to our already long days? On this issue, Tony and I somewhat disagree. He's more interested in saving a buck, and only back-peddles after we check into the Happiness Hotel (<--thanks for the reference, HotPants) with the rest of the middle-class poor.

But especially when you're visiting the Magical Kingdom every day, where you “leave today and enter a world of yesterday, tomorrow, and fantasy” (or some such quote as that), going back to your lame hotel every night is a mood-killer. At the All Star Resort, you leave the world of yesterday, tomorrow, and fantasy and enter a tacky baby shower where the expectant mother has decided to let the sex of her baby remain a surprise.*

The expectant mother is also fan of cartoonishly large, pastel rock instruments.

Anyway, just so it's clear, we regretted our choice in hotels. Depressing ambiance, uncomfortable, and it was too far away. Now, enough about hotels! Sheesh!

*I've given birth 3 times, and every time we decided to be surprised and find out the sex of the baby from our ultra-sound technician. Huge surprise! As a bonus, I would receive a second surprise on the day of delivery in the form of a hasty episiotomy. Double surprises!

3) Disney World Park Hopper Tickets. (Note that these tickets cost us more than our flights and hotel combined.) We made some mistakes with this purchase as well. Mainly, we shouldn't have spent money on the park hopper option, which allows you to "hop" from park to park throughout the same day, rather than stick to one park per day. This may work when hopping between Disneyland and California Adventure, but this is not a practical option when it comes to Disney World.

Don't be tempted by the different opening and closing times of each park. Just save your money and stay put. The parks are farther apart than it looks on a map. It takes about 15-20 minutes to travel to and from the different parks, not including the time it takes you to make your way to the exit, walk to the bus zone, and wait in line for a bus to come pick you up. You could easily waste a good hour "hopping" to another park, and torture your feet in the process, with all that extra walking. Or you could stay put, dust off one the seats in the Hall of Presidents and take a cat nap. If you aren't tired (You are, though! Think of your feet! Your poor, aching feet!), there's still Tom Sawyer's Island or a leisurely stroll through Liberty Square.

Adding the park hopper option to our tickets cost us an extra $335. We used it one time. One. Time. Not worth it.

4) Universal Studios Park Hopper Tickets. (Note that you can almost fly 5 people across the country for this price.) The only reason we (or anybody else) wasted time/money going to Universal when there was a Disney park in the vicinity was because we are Harry Potter nerds and we were dying to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (<--!) and choose our wands. It did not disappoint. It was the highlight of our trip. But more on that later.

Universal has two parks. Universal Studios, and Islands of Adventure. What I would have done differently here is only buy 1 day tickets (without the "hopper" option) to Islands of Adventure (where Harry Potter is located). Doing this would have saved us $356, plus $75 in cab fees, for a total of $431. So, that was spending mistake #3.

5) Cab fares. I already addressed this, but if we had only gone to Universal one day instead of two we would have saved $75 in cab fares. Also, I should say that the Disney hotels include transportation to and from the airport, which probably saves you at least $100 in cab fare. Something to ponder while perusing Priceline.

6) Food. I have to pat myself on the back for coming in way under budget here. You should always over-budget for food (we budgeted a whopping $1,000 this time, since there were theme parks involved) and then pat yourself on the back for coming in way under.

Generally speaking, we are cheap eaters. I actually hate spending money on food and would take a food pill instead if they were invented yet. But we could have done even better on our food budget if there had been a nearby grocery store. There wasn't. We had no options besides park food, unless we wanted to pay a cab to take us somewhere. I wish we would have thrown a few boxes of Poptarts in our suitcase. And some juice boxes, too.

A tasty yet reasonably priced place to eat in Downtown Disney that we highly recommend is the Earl of Sandwich. Best toasted caprese I've ever had. We went back three times.

7) Souvenir money. Here, I am sort of cheating. We do not normally purchase souvenirs, beyond buying a patch for our sweet travel quilt.* But this time, I saved some of my guitar lesson cash, along with the Christmas money our kids got from grandparents, and gave everyone $20 per (full) day to spend on snacks, souvenirs, tattoos, piercings, etc. I am not adding this money into our vacation expense because most of it was gift money, it was an optional expense, and I dunno I am just not counting it. None of it came out of Tony’s paycheck.

I got this idea from family vacations I had taken as a kid. My mom would sometimes budget in $10 or $20 per day for each of us kids to buy our own snacks, lunch, entertainment, souvenirs, tattoos, etc. To this day, those trips are the richest I have ever felt in my life. Simon would call it all a bunch of indulgent nonsense, and I’d agree and add that that is exactly what made the whole thing so awesome. Our kids learned a lot about money, the price of things, and planning and saving up to get what they wanted. But mostly, we all just strutted around like we were filthy stinkin' rich.

*We have a quilt covered in patches of all the exotic places we've been, like the Philadelphia Mint and the Denver Mint and the Nintendo store in NYC (<--my personal favorite). Trust me. This travel quilt/patch thing... it's less nerdier than it sounds. The idea is, instead of wasting money on a silly key chain or an etched piece of glass or a replica canon from Gettysburg that was made in China… we’ll only waste money on a patch.

8) Total money spent. Traveling during off Season made a huge difference. We saved about 50%. Though it could have been a lot worse, this trip was still expensive. We could have saved ourselves $766 in smarter ticket choices but I just would have put that money toward staying at a better hotel.

In case you're a little appalled by how much we spend on family vacations, I just want to clarify that we've chosen to spend our money on experiences rather than more things. We don't completely deprive ourselves, but we definitely choose to go without new stuff and things like lawn maintenance in favor of creating new experiences.

I had this epiphany about family vacations when Cord and Gus were little. I realized all of my own strong childhood memories are centered around family vacations (and doing lots of chores). But a few years ago, I heard about this study that backed up what I was feeling. Basically, it says that money can't buy you happiness, but how you spend money can. The study said that buying stuff can make you happy for as little as a few minutes, to a few hours, or up to a whole month if the thing is super awesome like a sweet new car*, but spending your money on new experiences creates feelings of happiness that last forever and compound annually like interest or something like that.

It's true, cuz I never sit on the couch we bought in 2003 and feel genuine happiness about the purchase, even though we like it and we use it a lot. But I do sometimes sit on that couch, snuggled under our not-nerdy travel quilt, and laugh when I remember the time we were at this random Olive Garden in Delaware in the middle of the night and we suddenly panicked, realizing we had to be to the Philadelphia airport in a few hours.

*I don't think this includes Apple products, because I still feel happy about my iPhone.

I'll post pictures of Hogwarts later. And our wands that ~~we chose~~ chose us!

Shhhhh...

2011-12-25T02:03:00.000-08:00

(merry Christmas)

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

staggering genius

2011-09-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

Homer is at the age when the things he says can either sound profoundly brilliant or completely ridiculous.

At dinner the other night, he turned to me and said, "Did you know friends are more valuable than gold?" If I said something like that I'd sound like a doof, but coming from a measly 1st grader? Pretty darn profound.

But then, we were watching TV one night and a Halloween commercial came on with Michael Jackson's Thriller playing in the background, and Homer looked at me and said, "Did you know Michael Jackson died from singing that song?" I said, "You can't die from singing a song, Homer." And he said, "You can't die from singing a song?" in this super incredulous tone of voice. I answered with an emphatic, "No," and then added, "Duh," for good measure.

But then I watched the X-Factor and there were some terrible singers on that stage and I wondered... what if you could die from singing a song? Surely, all those singers would be dead. Their audience, too. And maybe, just maybe, this a good idea for a Young Adult dystopian novel. Entitled Swan Song. It sort of sounds familiar so maybe it's already been done.

Speaking of, what do you think of the X-Factor? Is it not exactly like American Idol, but for a few rule changes? The judges are the same, the editing is the same, the theme music is similar. So far, the most significant change is that the judges are now drinking Pepsi instead of Coke. How weird is that?! Who does that? To switch soda preference at their advanced ages... I'm telling you, that is unheard of!

Punching Handballs

2011-09-13T13:50:00.000-07:00

Cord hurt his arm/wrist last Thursday in PE. He punched a handball that was flying straight at him "full force!" he said. When I picked him up from the nurse’s office, his eyes were red and he was wiping his cheeks every so often, but that was it. He thought he had sprained his wrist because he couldn't move it. So I got him an ace bandage with a splint. But his "sprained wrist" wasn't getting better; he was waking up in the middle of the night asking for pain medicine. So on Sunday (3 days later), we took him to an Urgent Care to have it X-rayed. Turns out, his arm is broken.

Cord was thrilled (as you can see). He didn't even try to hide it. When the doctor said it was a broken arm, Cord started pumping his fist and saying "YES!! YES!!"

I took him to an orthopedic physician today to get his permanent cast. Turns out, he has two broken bones. The radius is broken straight across, and one of his wrist bones is broken. He chose a green cast so it would clash with his school's dress code. I really liked the doctor. He asked if I was Cord’s sister. I played it cool, but inside I was pumping my fists and saying, "YES! YES!"

But here's the really cool thing. I sent him to school yesterday in the temporary cast (the tan/white one) and I didn’t bother to send a note or anything because I figured it's pretty obvious… he has a broken arm. Well, his PE coach called me that afternoon. He was in disbelief and wanted to confirm that Cord had in fact broken his arm. The coach was like, “I looked at his arm after it happened, but I didn’t really say anything or think much of it, because it looked fine.”

And Cord had shown up to PE the next day with his wrist wrapped in that ace bandage. His coach probably looked at that ace bandage the same way I look at ace bandages: with a heavy dose of skepticism.

The reason the conversation was cool is because while I was on the phone with the PE coach, his opinion of Cord changed. I could hear it in his voice. He went from thinking Cord was this wimpy kid who wore a stupid ace bandage to get out of PE, to thinking Cord is a pretty decent kid. He kept saying, “Wow. I can’t believe it. Don’t worry about his grade, he can help me with some stuff. Wow. His arm was broken that whole time?” And Cord said that while I was on the phone with the coach, Cord had changed into his PE clothes and started running laps, and when his coach saw, he waved him down and made him stop, and Cord was pretty annoyed because what does running have to do with his arm? Because what the coach didn't realize is Cord likes PE. He doesn’t want to fake an injury and sit on the bench.

Isn't it awesome when you find out someone isn't what they seemed to be? It's it awesome when it's your kid, and your kid's PE coach is the one finding out, and you get to hear his voice change over the phone?

This seems obvious to me

2011-09-08T10:17:00.000-07:00

This is the current proposed plan for development of the empty lots surrounding my community (the schools are already there):

Here is my plan:

I just need to find a fax number, then I'm submitting it. Wish me luck (like I need it)!

ALL the kids in school, ALL day

2011-09-08T06:50:00.000-07:00

8th grader:

1st grader and 5th grader:

1st day of the rest of my life*:

[Insert picture of me relaxing on my hammock-tramp]

You might notice Cord looks a tad taller and stands slightly awkwarder these days. He has grown roughly 7 inches since last I blogged. His feet have grown 4 sizes, and his voice is that of a man, speaking in a strange falsetto. Ah, puberty!

*I know I said last year was the first day of the rest of my life, but I was wrong. That was actually the first day of my job as a chauffeur and chaperon of endless after-kindergarten play-dates.

Madonna and I have much in common

2011-09-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

Hydrangeas? Might as well give me a bouquet of poop! *eyes*

Turns out, we don't need a new trampoline

2011-09-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Lots of stretchy places to sit:

A taut surface upon which to jump:

And then more relaxing when jumping becomes tiresome:

Hammock-like relaxation:

Back to the Start

2011-09-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

This makes me wanna eat more bacon. But that's not the point. The point is, I'm back. And also, I'm downloading The Scientist by Willie Nelson and going to Chipotle for lunch. See ya!

In Honor of Fried Egg

2011-03-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

Rebecca Black's single, Friday (pronounced Fried-egg), is number 23 on iTunes, and still climbing the charts. Srsly, I checked it last night and it was like number 82 or something. Smash hit!

Also, I'm sure you've heard the news about Jennifer Lawrence landing the roll of Katniss in the upcoming The Hunger Games (by Suzanne Collins) movie--very pleased with that decision, btw--but I read something in this article regarding the casting that confused me:

"[When] asked about Lawrence playing the dark-haired, biracial Katniss, Ross replied: "Suzanne had no issues with Jen playing the role. And she thought there was a tremendous amount of flexibility."

A) What... I had no idea Katniss was biracial and I've read THG at least a ha'-dozen times.

B) Not that there's a problem with that, I just didn't see race specifically mentioned in the book. Unless "Seam" is a race.

C) Did you picture her biracial?

D) Charight.

E) OK, what two races is she?

F) Fine, then why isn't Prim biracial?

G) Yeah, that's what I thought.

Your Attention, Please

2011-03-16T11:53:00.000-07:00

HOMER: He is 5 and a half and his favorite movie right now is Matilda.

(Just wanted to write that down somewhere permanent in case I forgot)

He watches it several times a day, and he likes these two songs from the movie in this order:

GUS: Have I ever mentioned that Gus sleepwalks? He's been doing it a lot lately, maybe five times a week, but it comes and goes in waves. Usually he'll come to our room and we'll just tell him to go back to bed and he'll turn around and walk out. But if we ask him questions, he gets very confused, sometimes frustrated, and sometimes he'll say a string of nonsensical words. Creepsville. One way we can tell he's asleep and not just waking up and getting out of bed (because he does both), is by his eyes. They will look almost glassed over, and his pupils will be dilated.

Anyway, I've been meaning to get a good video of him talking in his sleep, because he doesn't remember doing it, and I want to show him/you. He came down the other night when we were watching TV, and I remembered to record him, but before I could get anything good, Tony comes along, being all "responsible parent" and ruins it all.

CORD: Casting was just completed for the spring play at Cord's middle school. They are doing a spoof of Peter Pan, called CSI Neverland. Cord was cast as the "Captain Hook" character. I'm glad his drama teacher was able to look beyond his physical stature.

MEMZY: She pointed this out to me last week while watching AI:

I don't overstand why she wasn't at least in the bottom 3.

YouTube:

Scared babies trapped in their exersausers with nowhere to run are the cutest:

You're not supposed to laugh at this, but it's OK if you do (PS. I love these parents):

Online speed dating. She probably went through a lot of jerks to get to him:

And in case you haven't met the brilliant lyricist, Rebecca Black, yet:

DISNEY: They're making another movie based on one of their most popular (?) rides. Yes, I'm talking about the Jungle Cruise. I hope the movie uses those anamitronic rhinos. They're my favorite. And the backside of water.

HOTPANTS: She texted me this last night, after looking up directions to Japan from her house on her iPhone. Apparently, she'll need a kayak.

EEK: She texted me some pictures of my new niece, Tuesday (aka Tootie). That name is tdf, yeah? I LOVE it!

Yes, it's dark and sideways and a little blurry, but her cutest shines through.

That's all I gots.

New and Exotic Places

2011-03-04T15:30:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been disappointed with your pictures after a trip because you didn't think you got any really good shots, so you don't do anything with them, just leave them in a computer file and forget about them, but then almost a year later, you open the file and look through the pictures and you're flooded with happy memories, and you realize that maybe you did get some good pictures? That happens to me all the time. I guess I need to distance myself from the moment to really appreciate it sometimes.

It's usually around this time of year (Jan-March) that I'm scouring the www, looking for sweet travel deals, planning our next family vacation. It can get really time-consuming. I sometimes spend entire days going through options, and end up with nothing planned, nothing to show for all that time I've put in. But I get this craving to go someplace new, and I can't stop thinking about it until I find it. Tony wants to take an epic road trip across the country, visit 17 or 20 states. He's always mapping out different routes, and they sound fun when he's showing me all the places we'll see, but then I take a closer look at his humanly-impossible timeline and start searching for cheap flights again.

We have made some plans to visit family and travel with friends this year, but it's yet to be seen if our family will visit a place as new and exotic as the place we went last year:

We paid a homeless man $2 to take that picture^.

The thing we discovered about Philly is there is no short supply of homeless people to take your picture/ask for money/make you feel bad about vacationing/make you stop having fun and consider the world's most serious social issues/worry about your kids' safety.

However, I must say, there is something very special about Independence Hall.

Independence Hall is worth walking past fifty homeless men to see, practically.

The boys waiting to go inside:

I suppose Gus needed a haircut before we left for this trip. Most pictures, you can only see one of his eyes, whilst the other is shrouded behind a fine veil of blond hair. (His hair is really soft, like that of a new born babe. If you ever get the opportunity, you should feel it.)

(No flash allowed inside)

Where the Declaration of Independence was singed:

Liberty Bell, which is displayed in a nearby renovated museum of its own:

Also in this historic area is the National Constitution Center, a very modern, interactive museum that is well worth a visit.

The view from inside, looking towards Independence Hall:

Tony was feeling pretty patriotic right about then, so he had the kids do another pose under the flag.

After that, we hung our heads before Ben Franklin's grave, to pay respect.

Zombies:

Some of these gravestones were as thin as paper (<--slight exaggeration, but you get what I mean)

It was a pretty little graveyard (Christ Church Burial Ground). Very small.

Then we headed over to Besty Ross's house.

Very old, very cramped, no place to spread out yards and yards of fabric to make a secret flag.

One of our favorite things in Philly was Elfreth's Alley:

It's the nations oldest continually inhabited street.

I wish I had a picture that really captured the street. Tall skinny houses lined both sides of the narrow one-lane cobblestone street. It looked more like an alley, but not a dark scary alley that you could get mugged on. A cute alley with old unique houses. The utility van you see in the background clogged the whole street.

Waiting to tour one of the houses:

I like the old metal boot scraper in front of this house. This house was built before the cobblestones were laid, back when the street was paved with mud.

The metal plaque on the wall outside this house below represents the fire insurance the homeowner purchased. Fire wasn't a public service back then, so if your house caught on fire and you hadn't purchased a fire service plan, you'd be on your own as to how to put it out. Although, I'm sure the neighbors would pitch in, or else their house would be next.

These houses are all occupied, except one house that serves as a gift shop, and another house that is open for historic tours. Tony and I sat outside the gift shop, speculating on the kind of people who would live in these houses. We were guessing old University professors, rich empty-nesters, archeologists, Russian spies, when suddenly a mini van rolled down the street and stopped right in front of this house with the black door. The van doors slid open and this spectacle of a family got out. The mom was loaded down shopping bags from places like Old Navy and Famous Footwear and was yelling at her kids to pick up their backpacks, and the brother and sister (who looked like they had consumed a lot of fast food in their short lifetimes) were fighting and pushing each other and kicking their backpacks up to the front door of this historic house dating back hundreds of years. Interesting juxtaposition, yeah?

After that, we toured the US Mint, cuz Tony made us.

Then we headed over to Franklin Court to see Ben Franklin's house, and found this travesty:

Yes, his relatives tore down his house to make way for more important things, something I plan to do to my own relatives' houses after they die, cuz it's such a good idea. Anyway, that structure is the same size as his house, and a floor plan is painted on the floor. Dream big, Historic Tourism Department of Philadelphia!

Also in Franklin Court is the Ben Franklin Underground Museum. We were amused by the displays, dating back to 1981. I suspect Mr. Franklin... inventor, publisher, statesman, scientist... would not have been amused. My favorite part was the huge room filled with rows of closed-circuit beige phones that were all broken. But in this museum's heyday (circa 1980), I'm sure those phones did some cutting-edge stuff.

Also, the US Post Office Museum.

It was more like a small, dark, dusty room of stamps.

After that we walked to Franklin Square, a grassy old park in the middle of downtown Philly with a brand new miniature golf course, carousel, and playground.

Miniature Elfreth's Alley:

Feeling the brotherly love...

The agony of losing:

Gus's arm...?

Then we walked back to our hotel...

And that's what happened on our first day in Philadelphia.

One day down, twenty days to go!

Girls and Boys

2011-03-03T12:25:00.000-08:00

Girl's night on American Idol was a real let down, eh? Not that I had high expectations for any of these contestants. In fact, I had no expectations as I don't recall seeing half of them before that night. Lots of no-face-timers.

Here are some unfortunate stats from the top 12 girl's night that contributed to my boredom:

1) 6 out of 12 girls chose songs dating back from before the year they were born.

2) 7 out of 12 girls chose songs that I can recall hearing at least once on a previous season of American Idol.

3) 7 out of 12 girls sung ballads. Tired ones.

4) 1 girl sang a dated ballad in a language I no comprende.

5) 1 girl chose a song by Monica, and it wasn't The Boy is Mine, her smash hit duet with Brandy.

I know the judges and I say this every year, but song choice is critical here. Do these girls wanna put out a current album, or do they wanna stand on a stage one time and sing a nostalgic song that reminds them of the long road trips they would take with their parents as a child? When I go Karaoke singing, I usually pick a Neal Diamond song, like America, or Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show, because I don't have plans to put out an album.

The most interesting girl of the night was interesting for all the wrong reasons. It was the girl who sang the lounge-singer version of Criminal by Fiona Apple. Her rearrangement of the melody was bad, she looked super awkward, trying to slank sexily over to the judges table, and then dash back to the stage like she was about to catch a football, but it was entertainment. It was the only performance I remembered the next day, and she's the only girl I'd be interested in seeing more from. Again, for all the wrong reasons.

Overall, I'm not really interested in who goes through out of the girls. What are your thoughts on the girls? Do you care as little as I do?

Now, about them boys... them boys are much more interesting, and I suspect it's gonna be all about them this season. Like the girls, most of the boys picked dated, tired, over-sung songs, but they still managed to put on an interesting show.

I still don't like Chapstick guy, regardless of the fact that he can sing awesomely. The song he picked had me rollin my eyes and putting on chapstick dismissively.

I hope he doesn't make it through, but I think he has a chance. Unlike poor sweet dear little JC Slater.

Here are the five I hope make it through to the next round, purely for my own entertainment, although they may not be the best singers.

I had high hopes Jim Halpert. He didn't do so good, so I'm being unrealistic here, hoping he gets through.

I expected James Turrets to be over the top, and I looked forward to that spectacle; however, he surprised me by climbing right to the top of candy mountain and then stopping before toppling over. He will never be boring, so for that reason alone, I need him to stay.

I'm not a country fan, but I find myself wanting to listen to Babylockthemdoors's sing anything, including Monica songs if he so choses.

"Hello TV land," said Paul in his Rod Stewart voice, and then he sang Maggie May, whilst moving and bending like an animatronic Jack Sparrow. Now that's what I wanna see.

Last but not least, my very favoritest contestant so far, Brett Loewenstern:

Forget about Brett's voice for a minute... you know how he booked it off the stage right after Ryan announced the voting number, and then Ryan called him to come back because he wasn't supposed to just take off like that, and then Brett turned back and went, "Huh? Oh! You want a hug, Ryan?" and then he rushed back to hug Ryan? Charmingly clueless. That's why I like him.

So, what boys do you want to see move on to the next round? Let's hear it.

EDIT!!!!!!

Whoops! I completely forgot about Casey Abrams and his upright bass! Hotpants called and brought that mistake to my attention right away (she has a thing for upright bass players), but I didn't have a chance to get back on here and correct it. He indeed must to be in the top 5, so I guess Jim Halpert is out. Jim hasn't seemed the same since he married Pam anyways.

Links-a-lot

2011-02-19T17:54:00.000-08:00

Here are some Links:

Here are some other Links:

First, you must watch this movie trailer if you're a fan of one or more of the following things:

The Legend of Zelda

John Hughes' films

Bizarre Love Triangle

The 80s

Hilarity

Side note: All songs from the 80s should come in 8-bit form. I listened to the end of that video about 8 times 10 times. (That's 80, for those of you who don't have time for math)

Second, speaking of movie trailers, check out this Myspace Movie trailer for people who are sad that everyone left Myspace/people who wanna mock people who are sad that everyone left Myspace.

Side note: Who invented Blogger? I Googled it and couldn't find an answer in 10 seconds or less, so I gave up. I don't think it was a young Harvard drop-out anyway, so who cares. But I found this time-line of the Life of Blogs. Scroll down to December 1997. That's where it gets interesting. Weblog, to We Blog, to Blog. It's all about simplifying, people. Smplfy!

Third, check out this article about iPads by John Swansburg. (I don't know who J. Swansburg is or anything, if I sound like I do.) If you're lazy and don't wanna read it, it basically says if you're in the market for a super expensive iPad, there's "a device for that," and you probably already own it. What says you, iPad owners? Agree? Disagree? I'd still receive one as a gift, btw, if you're thinking ahead to my birthday on June 12th.

Also, in case you haven't heard, Borders filed for bankruptcy. Not all locations are closing, follow that link and scroll down to see the list of locations near you that are closing (they are listed in seemingly random order for your inconvenience).

Why is this so depressing to me? Why didn't the government print more money and bail them out? I'm not saying they should have, I'm just curious as to why. I like books. Is this partly my fault cuz for the last few years I've downloaded 99.9% of my books on my Kindle, rather than shop at Borders? Just because I don't shop at Borders anymore does not mean I don't want the option. This is smply unacceptable.

Now, on to American Idol. I'm not gonna start making rash predictions about who's gonna win 'til they narrow it down to 24 or 36 or what ever even-number they choose this year, despite the fact that I already have some rash opinions. At this point, I only wish to give a nod to the brilliant editing I've noticed this year.

Case in point, the following scene from group week, in which the judges find out that sweet little JC had been kicked out of a cool group and accepted into a group of rag-tag misfits. When the camera cuts backstage to the ring-leader of the cool group (the guy responsible for giving JC the boot), he's applying a generous layer of Chap-stick to his lips. That's the smart editing I'm talking about. Because there is something highly dismissive about Chap-stick. It says, "I gots no time to worry 'bout you, my lips are dry," further villainizing their chosen villain. Take a look:

Chap-stick guy can definitely sing, but how far can he possibly get after America saw him carelessly moisturizing his lips backstage while JC was keeping a stiff upper-lip in front of the judges? The only Americans who are gonna vote for him are the cold-hearted snake ones. What says you, AI fans?

Lamest Holiday Just Got Lamer

2011-02-14T10:48:00.001-08:00

I was super busy doing important things, so I asked Tony if he would pick up some Valentines day gifts for the boys--just a few small heart-shaped tokens of our affection for them. He came home with a grocery bag of this:

I ltrly groaned when I looked in the bag and said something like "you're so annoying!" in a super whiny voice. Next year I'm gonna ask him to pick up a few things for a road-trip, and maybe he'll come home with something a little more Valentines-themed. I haven't tried reverse psychology in ages.

Speaking of things that haven't been tried in ages, JK Rowling is finally writing again. EEK.

Hindsight is 20/20

2011-02-03T10:50:00.000-08:00

I got a call from the school nurse yesterday. Without preamble, she goes, "Did you know Gus is blind as a bat? He can't see anything on the eye chart."

I was like, "Wha? No, I didn't know." But then my mind flashed back to a pediatrician appointment he had about 18 months ago, where the nurse took him out in the hall to read the eye chart. I remembered him getting a lot of those big letters wrong. I remembered him saying things like "A" instead of "Q," and me having to suppress giggles because that wasn't even close, was he kidding me or what?

The school nurse goes, "He says he's been to the eye doctor before."

I was like, "No, he's probably thinking of a pediatrician appointment he had a while back." And I swear the pediatrician's nurse told me not to panic and take him to the eye doctor right away. Since Gus hadn't been complaining about his eyesight, I should wait until it starts becoming a problem for him. And then I just completely forgot about the whole thing cuz he never said he was having a problem seeing.

Anyhow, to make up for being a total loser mom, I took him straight to an eye doctor after school, who confirmed that Gus is indeed blind as a bat. In fact, he's blinder than a bat since bats aren't actually blind. Well, they're born blind, but then they slowly gain their sight. With humans, it happens in reverse. But this is all besides the point, sheesh!

The eye doctor said that it was unusual for a kid's eyesight to be as bad as Gus's at his first eye exam, because kids usually notice that they can't see when they're at about 20/40 or 20/60 vision. Gus's vision was already at 20/225. Legally blind is 20/200.

Side note:

The rest of us are...

Cord: 20/225

(^^Side note about this side note:

I had Cord retested and he has the same vision as Gus now so they can borrow each others glasses the way sisters borrow each others clothes, except way nerdier.)

Me: 20/500

Tony: 20/1,000+

Homer: bound to be as blind as a new born baby bat

Gus won't get his glasses until next week, so I don't have a picture yet, but the poor lil guy will look something like this:

Sad, huh? I quizzed him down hard after we left the eye doctor.

Me: "Can you see the board at school?"

Him: "No."

Me: "Why didn't say anything before?"

Him: "I don't know."

Me: "Have you ever told your teachers that you can't see the board?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "When?"

Him: "Today."

Next topic. Remember when I explained to you how drama is a sport, because there are like competitions and stuff? Well, Cord performed his "piece" (that's lingo that people in "the bizz" use) at regionals last weekend, and guess what? He made it to state, which is more than we can say for the fictional characters on Glee. Only a-baker's-dozen middle-schoolers made it to state, so basically Cord is a genius at his "craft".

Speaking of geniuses at their crafts, check this out:

PS. I have a small crush on Steven Tyler.

Hello Blog

2011-02-01T12:50:00.000-08:00

I've been very busy lately--for example, I spent about an hour this morning Googling Jodie Sweetin. A lot has happened since Full House. But I don't have time to update you on all that, you're gonna have to look it up for yourself.

Anyways, while I was on the Internet, I thought I'd stop on my blog and write something. I don't have a lot of time, mind you. I'm very curious about the Llewelyn Davies boys.

Anyways. I'll do this later.

Catch up

2011-01-04T12:12:00.000-08:00

The kids and I got home from our (extended) holiday trip on New Years day.

We were supposed to drive home two days earlier to celebrate the new year at home with Tony and the Flems, but I got sick and couldn't get out of bed to make the drive. Messing up those plans added another dimension to how bad I already felt. Sigh.

Huge public apology to the Flems.

The Thurstons were nice enough to let us crash their family New Years Eve plans, and we took partying to a whole new level. Half the people left around 10pm, they just couldn't handle how hard we were partying. See those cheapy chocolate ice cream cones in the above pic? My dad provided those but didn't stick around to watch us enjoy them.

We got up at the crack-o-dawn, practically, on Saturday to drive back to Vegas. The roads were still pretty bad, even though we missed the worst of it due my above mentioned illness.

It was a white-knuckle drive most of the way. The inside of our car never warmed up enough to defrost all the windows, and we had ice on the inside of our windows until we got past St. George. Is something wrong with our car, or is that norm when driving in freakishly cold weather?

Something that is for sure wrong with our car is its lack of space. I hate to bash on the '02 pear-toned XL-7, but it's super cramped and uncomfortable.

At one point on the drive, Cord was singing this song he likes to see if I could identify it (I couldn't, he sounded completely toneless), when he noticed that he had butt-dialed someone (a girl from Drama who he's crushing on). He quickly ended the call, but it was too late. Via text message, she confirmed that she had just gotten a weird call from him.

He was like, "what should I say, what should I say?!" all in a panic.

I was like, "Say it was your brother!" all in a panic.

So he texted back to her: "Oh. Sory! My brother was singing a song to my mom. What a nerd, right?"

What a nerd, indeed.

About 13 hours after the start of our drive, we saw our city lights on the horizon:

Love that feeling.

Now, I sat down at the computer today, intending to blog about Christmas, and all the fun we had on our trip, but when I tried to transfer all of our Christmas pictures to the computer, I noticed there were only six pictures on our camera and they were all close-ups of Homer's hands and feet.

Yes, Homer has deleted Christmas. It's like it never happened. I'm especially sad that you won't get to see Cord open his unicorn meat. Here are a few pics that were on my phone:

And here's a video of the kids playing with the baby toys they got from Santa:

We very much enjoyed staying with my parents over Christmas. I love their new house. It's just so homey. Speaking of homey, Homer is obsessed with my dad's dog, Jake.

(See following pics of Homer holding Jake, and watch Jake turn into a blur as he struggles to get away.)

Christmas in Idaho

2010-12-23T09:47:00.000-08:00

For the first time since moving to Las Vegas 11 years ago, we Esplins are celebrating Christmas in Idaho! Monumental, yeah? We have my parents to thank, for they made this magic happen.

Btw, this was the only thing on my annual unattainable gifts-that-I-always-manage-to-attain list... and as you can see, I attained it. My good fortune continues.

So, I headed up to Idaho on my own with the kids last Saturday, via Utah, under extreme road conditions. Visibility went something like this:

Still, the drive wasn't too bad until we passed Ogden, and then the snow started coming down and the road got pretty slick, and we almost died. Here's how:

We were on a straight stretch of freeway when the back wheels started sliding out to the right, so I ~~over~~corrected it, and then they started sliding out the other way, so I ~~over~~corrected it again. After that, the whole car slid sideways down the freeway, until it turned and started sliding backwards (we got a 3 second view of headlights coming toward us), and then it completed two slow, wide spins down the freeway before finally crashing in a snowy ditch off the side of the road.

In the moment, I couldn't remember how to get a sliding car back under control so I just let my foot off the gas, didn't touch the break, and let it slide. Of course, we were screaming the whole time (except for Homer who had only "squeezed his eyes shut tight"), and it took forever for the car to finally land. I had enough time to think about crashing and yell "ohmigosh, we're gonna flip, we're gonna flip, hold on, hold on, hold on," and sing the first verse and chorus of Carrie Underwood's "Jesus take the Wheeeeeel" (I didn't sing it, but I had enough time to) before the car finally stopped. I took a few minutes to calm down, and made sure the kids were OK ("that was awesome!" they said--charight), and then I reversed out of the ditch (eventually), and white-knuckled it the rest of the way to Boise. Only took 14.5 hours. The "only" part is sarcastic.

Anyhow, we were very fortunate we didn't hit any cars or slid off the bridge into the snake river.

Boise got one more night of snow fall after we got here, but I think that's gonna be it.
Too bad, cuz now that we're here and we gots our new snow boots, we wouldn't mind a lil more snow.

I got to attend the infamous annual Bailey Family Christmas Party (white elephant gifts included an emergency identity-change kit with sunglasses a cell phone and a real SS card, these pants expanders that everyone fought over, and an adult-sized onesie). We've had lots of family gatherings, and I got to see my newest nephew in person for the first time ever.

I present to you, Dennis Adorabible Morgan:

He is the sweetest baby, never cries or fusses, just sits there with his widdle eyes open all the time and we all can get enough of him. I want him. Srsly.

If I could be guaranteed a baby this sweet, I would kidnap one.

Tony flew in Wednesday afternoon. He didn't almost die on the freeway like we did.

Boise friends: I know this is late notice, but I'll be here through the week after Christmas, if you wanna meet for lunch at Carl's Jr. I'll call you soon, kbye.

A Christmas Carol Rap

2010-12-16T15:32:00.000-08:00

This is Cord and his BFF's project for reading class. They got 98%--2 points docked from their score in the category of "dancing" (chip off thy ol' block), which, as we all know, is a fundamental aspect of reading. Ahem.

Just so we're clear, he played this video in front of his whole entire class. I asked Cord, "Did they laugh?" and he goes, "Yeah, but I think they were laughing at me, more than with me." This did not seem to bring him any shame.

I had zero creative input, I only held the camera. Due to computer technical difficulties, Landee actually helped edit this video for us all the way from Denver, CO, and even added a title a credits to the final copy. (Much obliged, lil lady.)

Also, here's a video of a ladybug being adorable.

More updates to come! If I can find some time to spare! Geez!!!

Random People

2010-12-07T17:25:00.000-08:00

What do these people have in common? I dunno cuz I'm not Norwegian. I'm just glad they didn't forget Ricky Schroder from The Champ. Who's your favorite random person?

Also, ducklings blowing away...

Cars and Buses Sliding and Crashing in the Snow...

2010-12-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

...Featuring really terrible background music dubbed in by someone's teenage son.

24 Perfect Christmas Gift Ideas

2010-12-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

After weeks of extensive research, I have complied a list of 24 Christmas gifts that are bound to make someone happy.

#1. From ThinkGeek, temporary tattoo hand puppets.

Stuff those in your stockings, Santas!

#2. Also from ThinkGeek, a real live working guitar shirt.

I saw the video. Seems legit.

#3. For that person who has everything, unicorn meat.

Magic in every bite, you say?! Again, seems legit.

#4. Next, plush Star Wars figures... that make sounds!

I cannot. Resist. Chewy. Must. Buy.

#5. Speaking of Star Wars, these adorable, movable LEGO Star Wars alarm clocks are selling out everywhere, and now they're going for about $50 to $100 on Amazon.

But I happen to know that they still have some at Toys R Us stores for only $25. Better hurry!

Scale to size:

#6. Limited Edition Garden Gnomes are at Costco for a limited time only, I assume.

^If you know anyone who loves gnomes and I know you do.

#7. I like this coloring book because it teaches kids the many shades of white (snowball white, polar white, frost white, igloo white, and the popular Arctic white).

#8. This is a good gift for someone who has hundreds upon hundreds of Boise State shirts cluttering up their closet:

#9. FREE BOOKS.

Did you know Goodreads gives away free books? The program is called "first reads," and it's a mash-up of two things that thrill me like nothing else in the world: free stuff + sneak previews.

How it works is, publishers and authors give away a certain number of free books before they are released to the public (ARCs) to spread the word about the book and get some early reviews up. You can sign up for as many as you like and winners are picked at random. And then you can rub it in peoples faces that you read it before it was released, = gift that keeps on giving.

#10. Amazon has a new Kindle cover with a built-in light. It's a bit pricey, but if you're a rich person it's perfect!

#11. Speaking of, did you know that the Kindle price has dropped to $139? That's after tax, and shipping is free. For the price of about 2 kindle covers with built in lights, you can buy an actual kindle. And it's new and improved!

#12. I'm sure you've already seen these, but I love that Hasbro came out with a new twist on 5 classic games.

And they are cheep! Only $10 at Walmart! And Hasbro has a $3 off coupon, so it's actually only $7! Print it HERE!

#13. I'm also loving all the LEGO boardgames.

#14. Fish bowls that hang from walls or keep your books from falling over, cuz everyone appreciates short-term pets.

#15. A charming couch pillow shaped like a house.

You can buy it from uncommon goods for $155, or you can make one for free out of scraps of fabric from around the house and a magic marker. I recommend the latter.

#16. Mustashe pillow cases from Urban Outfitters.

::insert guttural French laugh::

17. Because it makes me absolutely sick when people throw away their ticket stubs:

#18. A reusable ziploc baggie (as it is made of glass).

#19. App Magnets.

Not just for iPhone lovers. It would be the perfect ironic gift for someone who hates iPhones.

#20. That thing from the mall that you've always wanted that gives you the chills in a good way but you never bought cuz it was a total rip off. Well, it's only $6 on Urban Outfitters dot com. Stocking, meet stuff.

#21. Your very own rainbow in your room.

For more intensity, get two of these gadgets and make a double rainbow all the way across the sky. The sky in your room.

#22. They're cute, they're zany, they're Sing-A-Ma-Jigs! And they are highly addictive. Tony and I once stood in the isle at Smiths and played with them for a good 30 minutes. And I think they are hard to find these days. Get 'em quick!

#23. A rubber slap bracelet watch from Hot Topic. Most of the fun will come from taking it on and off, cuz who really cares what time it is, right?

^^Comes in pink and black and green, too. It's BoGo, too.

And finally...

#24. A Fushigi ball, because (according to both the commercial and Homer), anyone can do it, you don't have to be a magician. Plus, since they've been advertising it like crazy on TV, your kids probably want it very badly on a subconscious level, even if they didn't ask for it.

Anticlimactic ending, I know. I should've put the unicorn meat last.

Just Another Middle School Play

2010-12-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

It's been ages, I've much to say. I'm not gonna say it all now since that would take forever.

I'm gonna start by posting this video of my adorable child performing in his adorable middle school play. It's a long scene. I don't expect you'll watch it all. But at least get to the part when he switches to a French accent at the beginning of Part 2. I was rather impressed.

The play is called Just Another ~~High~~ Middle School Play

In this scene, Cord is Romeo, along with various other male voices.

The puppeteer is played by his BFF, Michael.

Juliet is played by his IRL drama club nemesis.

Coming up...

1) Pictures of the freakishly good Mac 'n Cheese I had on mine and Tony's anniversary

2) Unique Christmas gift ideas

3) My annual unattainable Christmas wish list that I always manage to attain

4) You Tube videos I like

5) Things I saw on the Internet

6) A Very Merry Shedersplin Thanksgiving

6) Our photoshopped family pictures that may or may not be ironic, by the very talented Memzy Shederton

Praying Mantis Test

2010-11-18T21:34:00.000-08:00

Two goals. First, to show you this weird praying mantis we spotted at school today, with his arms in the air like he just don't care. And second, to see if I can email video to my blog via my phone. Lemmeknowifitworks,kthanksbye.

Few of my favorite things

2010-11-17T10:02:00.000-08:00

I love it when Tony puts the laundry away and a few days later I find Cord's jeans hanging in my closet. He must think I'm super la petite! He holds up a pair of size 12 boy's jeans and says to himself, "These'll definitely fit my wife, they must be hers." And then he hangs them in my closet where my shirts go. Isn't that nice?

Other nice things include real-life glee clubbers...

...the return of candy cane Hershey kisses (aka, my breakfast for the next month)...

...and people who think they are bigger Harry Potter fans than me just cuz they've read them over 100 times and have a lot of drawings and permanent tattoos and junk:

Psst:

Get this and other HP countdowns at LeakyNews.com

These people got into Harvard.

2010-11-13T15:37:00.000-08:00

Huge Harry Potter fan, here. Quidditch is easily my favorite sport, second only to competitive drama. But watching muggles play makes me giggle/secretly wish I could run around with a broom betwixt my legs.

Only 5 more days til Deathly Hallows, my friends.

5 days, something minutes, and something seconds.

The Power of Nonchalantness

2010-11-09T14:29:00.000-08:00

Things I've been meaning say about Ragnar...

2010-11-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

2010 Las Vegas Ragnar Relay Team

"Lightning Bolt, Lightning Bolt, Lightning Bolt"

Ages ago, my cousin Anna (seen above in the white hoodie) invited Tony and I to join her 12-person Ragnar relay race team, and I said heck yeah, even though I really didn't know what that was. It turned out to be the most painfully fun thing ever!

Anna took care of all the arrangements, all the rest of us had to do was learn how to run good. And I tried. I really did. I ran a lot.

(Actual picture of me running not suitable for Internet)

Our team ran a total of 195 miles, uphill both ways, over barren desert terrain, and it only took us about 37 hours.

We had two vans, carrying 6 runners each.

Van #1:

(BIL Dwight, Me, Memzy, Shed, Uncle David, my home-turf BFF Ally)

Van #2:

(Cousin Kerra, Tony, Dave, Hotpants, Trent, Anna, Anna)

Our van (#1) got up at 4am, after getting to bed late the night before, to make it to the starting line on time, and it was during that early morning ride that I realized that what we were about to do was actually physically impossible. And when you find yourself in an impossible situation, with a group of people who also find the situation impossible, the whole thing suddenly becomes hilarious!

"What were we thinking??? We can't do this! Hahaha! This is silly. We're already exhausted and the race hadn't even started. That's hilarious! Hahaha! More cowbell. Hahahahaha!"

Believe me, it was 37 hours of funny. You had to be there.

And it turned out, it wasn't completely impossible, because we did finish the race. We placed 251 out of 256 teams. I feel sooo bad for whoever got in last place. Pathetic!

Much thanks to Anna for including us on her team! Both Tony and I had a ton of fun.

Anyhow, you can see more pictures and read more about the race HERE and HERE (if you haven't already). I'll (fingers crossed) also have a Ragnar video montage for your viewing pleasure as soon as I can get Anna's video clips formated correctly--technical stuff only I understand, etc.

If you want to know where our team name came from (Lightning Bolt, Lightning Bolt, Lightning Bolt), see the following obscure YouTube Video:

Notice that dude was clearly hit by a lightning bolt ball multiple times, yet he didn't flinch until that girl prodded from behind with a stick. Cheater.

Obscure YouTube videos are a great place to find a team name. Don't argue with me.

Take for example, this video:

I'm confounded at 1:08. Not by Lil Markie's voice, but by the entire congregation, who are just sitting there. Watching. Who ARE these people? I must name a team after them.

"Lil' Markie's Enraptured Audience"

Various things...

2010-11-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

First:

On behalf of Nevada, I'm sorry we're sending Harry Reid back to Washington, but the GOP candidate, Sharon Angle, was too extreme for Nevada, too extreme... for America. She srsly needs to try out for the X-Games, she's that extreme.

Second:
Here are my kids+BNFs (Best Neighbors Forever) on Halloween:

Aren't my kid's costumes interesting/creative? Homer is something the color white, Gus is something the color black, and Cord is something the color orange.

I sent my kids out Trick-or-Treating with Tony, and I stayed home to pass out candy. At about an hour into the night, I started to wonder at the fact that no one from our ward had come by our house yet. Half our ward lives in our neighborhood, practically. Then Tony sent me this text:

(see last bubble)

Yeah, so, no ward members came by our home. Oops.

Third:
I made this crock-pot lasagna:

Hmm. It doesn't look as good as it tasted. Trust me. I got the recipe from watching Oprah, but it's no different from making it in the oven. I just didn't know you could make it in a crock-pot. I'm a nube.

Fourth:
Speaking of Oprah, in case you aren't watching her final season cuz it's too cliche, or because you wrote her a nasty letter one time and now you can't watch anymore, or because you're busy being busy, here is her interview with JK Rowling. Who doesn't love JK Rowling? Who doesn't want to listen to her talk? Hear her rag-to-riches life-story? I never get tired of it. Sigh.

You might also like Oprah's interview with the whole cast of Sound of Music. Single tear!

Fifth:
I've been watching lots of old movies on Netflix with the kids lately (movies that stream instantly to your TV, which is awesome/addictive), and I thought I'd remind you of a couple sweet movies that you might have forgotten about:

Young Sherlock Holmes
The Journey of Natty Gann

And I also wanted to warn you not to talk/beg your boys into watching the documentary Babies with you, because within the first five minutes you'll realize that the women in Namibia don't wear tops, and sometimes that hippy mom from San Fran goes topless too, and you'll have to shoo the boys out of the room immediately.

Sixth:
Speaking of Sherlock Holmes... Have you seen the cool, modern BBC version of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes airing on PBS's Masterpiece Theater, simply called "Sherlock"?

I recommend. There are three 90-min programmes (with an extra m and an e--so cute.), and the best part is, you can watch the programmes that have already aired right here on the PBS website.

Side note: Notice that Dr. Watson is played by Martin Freeman! Tim, from The Office! Not Jim, Tim! From the BBC version of The Office! Duh! He's also cast to play Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit!

Seventh:

iLike this song:

Hang With Me (Acoustic) by Robyn
Hang With Me by Robyn

Add a playlist to your page using iLike

Roller Skates and Rain

2010-10-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

Hot water is romantic, compared to cold water.

2010-10-15T14:36:00.000-07:00

Did you know that water heaters cost about $1,500?

^^in cursive, like they did on checks back in the day
so there was no confusion.

Our water heater broke.

Ironically, we happen to be broke too.

Ideally, only one of us would be broke at a time.

Alas, twe're both broke at the same time.

In an effort to stay positive and not stress-out and save our hairlines from receding anymore than they already have, I had a conversation with Tony that went along these lines:

Me: "Hey, you know what? Our anniversary is coming up next month. We could count the water heater as our gift to each other."

Tony: "Yeah. Sure, OK."

Me: "This is actually kind of perfect because, we're so broke, we probably wouldn't have gotten ourselves an anniversary gift this year!"

Tony:

Me: "We've never spent so much on an anniversary gift before! Wow. Fifteen hundred dollars."

Tony:

Me: "Quite the splurge, but sometimes you gotta go all out."

Tony:

Me: "Happy anniversary."

Tony: "I'll try to pick up another shift next week."

Anyway, it's not so bad, spending all that money you don't even have on a water heater when it's actually an anniversary gift.

Dang, that's good

2010-10-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

This stuff is tasty. Try it. I've yet to discover what kind of havoc it'll wreak on my relatively normal digestive system, but in the meantime, delish!

Two Things

2010-09-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

The first thing has to do with chips.

Have you tried these Cheeseburger flavored Doritos?

If not, you must! If only to marvel at how someone could so perfectly capture the essence of a cheeseburger in a chip, including the pickle. It's similar to eating a jelly bean and tasting buttered popcorn. You may not be tempted to indulge in a whole bag of cheeseburger chips, per se, but after you've tried a few, you might be sitting at your computer or walking to your mailbox or petting your cat, and you'll be suddenly compelled to taste another one of those cheeseburger chips.

"I had to have been mistaken earlier," you'll think on your way to the pantry, "because a chip couldn't possibly taste that much like a cheeseburger." But then you'll bite into one of those crisp Doritos, and your senses will be filled up with charbroiled beef, cheese, ketchup and finally... the pickle.

The whole thing is unnerving, really.

Second thing has to do with roller skates.

When Homer gets home from Kindergarten in the afternoon, the first thing he does is strip down to his undies and put on his roller skates. (Roller skating is sweaty business. Thus, the nudity.) He wears roller skates more than shoes these days, and all that nude skating has paid off. He doesn't clunk around on those skates like he did in the beginning, but glides smoothly, his weight lightly shifting from foot to foot.

I'm proud, if you can't tell.

Anyway, Homer went with me to pick up Gus from Drama yesterday. He jumped in the car (fully dressed) with his roller skates on, which was no biggie since we weren't going inside. When we got to the school, I parked at the end of a long line of cars. And that's when I came up with a fun idea: let Homer skate up the sidewalk to get Gus.

He was game, giddy in fact. I did feel a quick stab of embarrassment on his behalf, since he'd look like a total nerd, but he's only five, so who cares.

Homer schlepped out of the car, and maneuvered carefully out of the gutter and up onto the sidewalk. As I watched him slowly trudge up the sidewalk on his skates, it occurred to me that the sidewalk was on a rather steep hill, and eventually he'd have to skate down that steep hill.

Well, "eventually" came. I spotted Homer picking up speed as he got closer and closer to the car. There was definitely panic in his expression, and I was feeling it too. I knew there was no way I could jump out of the car, run around to the sidewalk, and catch him in time. I would be chasing him down that hill for sure. But before I could make a move, his direction changed. His focus had shifted to a big bush off to the side, about as tall as he was with his skates on. Full-speed, his arms outstretched as wide as he could get 'em, he charged that bush and dive-bombed right into it, bear-hug style. Hil-air-ious!!! He definitely heard my laugher from inside the car, and after he sprang back from the bush and steadied himself, he gave me a triumphant grin that said, "See how skillfully I got out of that one?"

Yeah, he's pretty good on those skates.

Right-Side note: It feels like "roller skates" should be one word, yeah?

Irony

2010-09-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

Last week was the dreaded middle school open house night. Two hours long. It started in Cord's first period class, where we had to watch a video that was streamed school-wide into all the first period classrooms. We came in late. Cord found a seat at one of the desks in the middle of the room, while Tony and I sat in chairs set up along the wall.

Now, this seating arrangement put us in a worrisome position, as we weren't within grabbing distance of Cord's raised hand. His hand wasn't up yet. We had only just settled in, and the video was still playing. But eventually, his hand would be up and he'd have something to say. Tony recognized this immediately and leaned over to whisper, "I hope Cord doesn't say anything embarrassing."

Tony and I are not public commenters. We don't answer questions, we don't add to the discussion, and we don't have any questions at the end. We say nothing. We are those people. Cord, on the other hand, always has an answer, a comment, or a question. Solicited or not. He is one of those people.

The weird thing with Cord is, sometimes he'll look so fidgety in his chair, like he's not paying attention at all, but then the speaker/teacher will ask a question and his hand will shoot up without hesitation, and he'll actually give a relevant, smart answer, as if he had been paying attention all along. But other times he'll raise his hand just to volunteer random information or shout out something super embarrassing. You just never know.

So, we came to a place in the video where they were going through the after-school programs. As the screen flashed through pictures of all the clubs and sports programs, Tony leans in and whispers, "When they get to 'Drama Club,' he's gonna cheer or hollah back or say something embarrassing."

I braced myself for that moment to come, but when the video got to Drama Club, all he did was this silent double-fist pump in the air. Not too bad. Not everyone noticed, and at least he didn't make any noise.

At the close of the video, we watched clips of various teachers, standing in or by their classrooms, repeating phrases such as, "Welcome to Open House night, we hope you enjoy it." After they played the 15th, 16th, 17th teacher's "welcome message," it occurred to me that we were about to watch all 65 (roughly) teachers at this middle school give their individual "welcome to open house" message.

Idea: gather all 65 teachers into one room, and on the count of three have them all say, "Welcome to open house!" at the same time.

But no. They each delivered the message separately and it took about 20 minutes.

Towards the end of this 20 minutes, I was spacing off on the TV screen, watching Cord fidget out of the corner of my eye, wondering if he was getting ready to raise his hand and say whatever was on his mind, when the video suddenly cuts to the very room we are sitting in. Cord's first period teacher (on the video) is standing at the front of the classroom, and in the shot, we can see the backs of her students' heads. I immediately pick out the back of Cord's blond head in the crowd of kids. His teacher looks into the camera and says, "welcome to open house night, and remember," she adds for what ever reason, "chewing gum is not allowed on school campus." At which point, Cord's blond head turns around (on the video), he points directly into the camera and adds, "That goes for you too, mom."

Pretty mild on the embarrassing scale, yes, but my point is, there we were, worrying about not being within arm's reach of Cord to stop him from making public comments, and he does it through the video we're watching. And that, my friends, is like 10,000 spoons when all you need is knife.

For Music People

2010-09-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

A while ago, in the midst of a heated email exchange, in an effort to distract me from my current hissy fit, Landee Landerson sent me a link to this sweet Internet radio site called Grooveshark. I followed the link, and immediately went calm. I was a toddler throwing a tantrum, and Landee had just slipped me a binki, and that binki's name was... Grooveshark.

It's like Pandora, only better because you can make playlists within your Internet radio, and replay or skip songs as many times as you'd like. And no commercials. Only downside is it's not ready for iPhone yet.

Using Grooveshark, I looked up Brandon Flowers' new solo album, Flamingo, which was leaked onto the Internet early (but I think it's officially out today). As I'm sure you've heard, his first single, "Crossfire," is an utter masterpiece, so I expected greatness. I ~~listened to~~ endured all 14 tracks, and found the good ~~ones~~ one for you, so now you don't have to feel that sickening disappointment as you realize, song by song, that almost the whole thing is crap.

After "Crossfire," the next best song is called "Only the Young." Click HERE to hear it. You have to listen to it three times before you fall in love with it. "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" and "Jilted Lover" are decent after you give them a few listens. They at least sound Killers-esque. The rest is crap. Click HERE to hear a sampling of what I mean. It's truly baffling/tragic. The only person who should sound like Johnny Cash is Johnny Cash. And Joaquin Phoenix.

Still, much love for B.Flowers. I hope he doesn't take my review too hard.

Shocks? Pegs? Lucky!

2010-09-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

We went to Mc-Ds with our friends tonight to get some cones, and the
Ronald himself was there, and Cord won this awesome bike that was
probably meant for someone who's not 12. Being short has its advantages.

He's gonna take it off some sweet jumps tomorrow. Heck yeah.

Yes, you can burn spaghetti noodles,

2010-09-08T21:39:00.001-07:00

but it takes forever!

Volunteering Information Nobody Asked For

2010-09-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

If you want to Google Stephenie Meyer, you only have to type "Ste" and her name pops up.

If you type in "Step", she moves to the top.

Her name shows up before fellow author, Stephen King.

Stephenie Meyer and Stephen King were linked together after King said in an interview with USA WEEKEND, "Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn... She's not very good." He then went into specifics about the Twilight series, indicating he has indeed read it. Strange, isn't it? Picturing Stephen King reading Twilight?

Both Stephenie Meyer and Stephen King agree on one thing:

"[The Hunger Games] is a violent, jarring, speed-rap of a novel that generates nearly constant suspense...I couldn't stop reading."
--Stephen King, Entertainment Weekly Review

"I was so obsessed with this book I had to take it with me out to dinner and hide it under the edge of the table so I wouldn't have to stop reading. The story kept me up for several nights in a row, because even after I was finished, I just lay in bed wide awake thinking about it...The Hunger Games is amazing."
--Stephenie Meyer, www.stepheniemeyer.com

I agree with both of them. After all, Suzanne Collins is my favorite writer.

If you type jenny in Google, these common searches pop up:

If you type in jenny esp, my name shows up toward the bottom of the list.

Add the L, and all those Latina jennys go away.

Hit search, and this comes up:

When spelling the word "search", my first impulse is to type "serch" even though something looks wrong about it.

In news unrelated to Google, Smeyer, Sking, Scollins, or my poor spelling habits...

I ordered the Magic Jack and canceled my home phone. Have any of you tried it? Does it work well? I hope I don't live to regret that decision.

Idea

2010-09-05T21:25:00.000-07:00

Someone should create a candle that smells like a burning match. Then I would host Burning Match Candle parties at my house and sell them for you. We split 60/40. Plus I get 50% off the ones I buy. Great for the bathroom. 4th of July. Etc!

Whoa, you gotta try this...

2010-09-04T16:50:00.000-07:00

Arcade Fire has this new online music video that asks you to type in your childhood address, and then uses it to personalize a music video for you. It's sorta awesome. You gotta try it. My Camarillo address didn't work as well, but my old Boise one was good. It took a minute, cuz things change and stuff, but then all the sudden I was like... "oh yeeeaaaah, I remember that tree! And that's the elementary school behind my house! They paved paradise and put up a parking lot? What?!"

Super nostalgic and such.

And when it tells you to write a letter to your childhood-self, just do it even tho it's cornball. Cuz then all these birds fly in and... oh well, you just gotta try it for yourself.

It works best on Chrome browser. If you don't have it, you can download it real quick HERE.

Then, copy/paste this into your new Chrome browser:
http://thewildernessdowntown.com/

My song is here, if you wanna see where I spent my teenangst years:
http://www.thewildernessdowntown.com/#3763+N+Jullion+Way,+Boise,+ID+83704,+USA

At the very least, you get to hear Arcade Fire sing.

K, I'm gonna go watch it again...

We Used To Wait by The Arcade Fire

More The Arcade Fire music on iLike

Hugh Grant DVDs

2010-09-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

Tony and I were awoken from our sleep early this morning with a loud banging on our front door. Tony, dragging himself out of bed, says,"I know who it is. It's the gangsters, but don't worry, I got this."

I'm, of course, worried, as I'm more suited to handle gangsters than him. I grab the X-Acto knife from my nightstand, the one I'd been using to make Duct Tape wallets the night before. Tony grabs a stack of Hugh Grant DVDs. (See?)

I follow him out of our room as far as the landing, which overlooks the entry to our house. At this point, the gangsters have broken through the door, despite the mattress that Tony had propped up in front of it to slow them down. I don't see their faces, because once the door cracks open, Tony slides his hand through and gives them the stack of Hugh Grant DVDs. They leave without a word.

"Is that all they wanted?" I say.

"Yes," he says.

We climb back in bed, but I'm still worried because we have a few more Hugh Grant DVDs that Tony forgot to give them.

"Like what?" he says.

"Sense and Sensibility and Nanny McPhee," I say.

He says I'm right about Sense and Sensibility, but Hugh Grant isn't in Nanny McPhee. We get into a brief arguement. I toss and turn and can't fall back asleep.

On an unrelated note...

Don't you hate it when your kids hop in your bed in the morning, snuggle up next to you, and then proceed to tell you all about the dream they had the night before? I'm not interested in hearing about anyone's dream (except for Smeyer), but kids are the worst, because they tell you the long version. They don't know how to edit out the confusing, unnecessary parts. But I have to listen and act as if I'm interested in the nonsense, otherwise I'm a "bad mom".

Which brings me back to this morning...

I fell back asleep after I took the kids to school (Yes, I promised myself I would never waste my time on a nap, but I was up 'til 3am the night before with a bad case of insomnia and there was no getting around it), and during my nap I had the weirdest dream. I know you don't wanna hear about it. Listening to someone ramble on about their dream is the worst.

Which brings me to the first part of this post that didn't make much sense...

I just tricked you into reading about my dream.

Nicely done, eh? Basically, I wrote the whole thing backwards.

Pop! Goes My Heart by Hugh Grant

More Hugh Grant music on iLike

The First Day of the Rest of my Life

2010-08-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

And... drum roll, please...

The Official Winner(s) of the 2nd Annual Hunger Games Cake Decorating Contest

2010-08-25T15:00:00.000-07:00

I finished Mockingjay last night. We started this series back in September of '08. We've been thinking about it, obsessing about it, making cakes about it, for almost two years. Now that it's all over, I feel like ripping the little blue pill from my left shoulder pocket with my teeth and swallowing it.

Now, on to the cakes!

Listen, there are no losers here, all right? I just don't want most of you to feel like total losers since most of you lost big time. And you're gonna get some srs consolation prizes anyway, so see? No losers.

Turns out, we had 7 super clever and thoughtful Gamemakers scoring our cakes*, rather than 5. Lets all put three fingers to our mouths and then extend those fingers in thanks. C'mon. Do it. Good. Now onto the winners!

In third place, Tribute 6. by Shel,Sam,&Meg!

Well done! Your invisible bookshelf should be arriving soon, milady.

In second place, Tribute 1. The Catalyst by Landee!

Delish! You may choose your prize, nerd.

And in first place, Tribute #7. Blood and Roses, by Standsmom!

Striking! Magnificent! You will receive a snuggly Hunger Games themed blanket asap, sleeves not included. It'll basically look something like this:

Don't worry. I'm capable.

Big congrats to the winners!!!

Now, 'tis time to console the non-winners with their swanky personalized magnets.

Tribute 5. Katniss Everdeen's Last Kill by Allyoop

I must say, you hit the Fiver on the eye with this one. (see Watership Down for reference)

Tribute 3. The Last Gamemaker by Yours Truly (yes, I linked my own blog)

It's perfect as is, no? I knew you'd agree.

Tribute 2. Finnick's Eyes, Shinny with Tears by Memzy

Yes. Clearly, Memzy. That's Mags. The name of your cake just threw us, is all.

Tribute 4. Katniss's Tree Revenge by Michelle and Scott Esplin

One magnet for each of you. The only problem is, when I separated the two cakes, the second one lost it's frame of reference and now it kinda resembles a pile of... well, you'll just have to fight over the one that doesn't look like poop.<--said gently and with much love.

Tribute 8. The Quarter Quell Arena by Cherie Bailey

This Tribute was a pleasant surprise for me. Did you know Markie's better half made her own cake this year? I was sad for her when I realized she had a like-minded stiff-competitor in Shel. I know just how she feels.

Which brings me to my African American counterpart:

Tribute 9. Seneca Crane by Markie

You stole my thunder, Markie. Your cake is bigger and beefier than mine. No hard feelings tho, eh?

Tribute 10. District 12 by Eek

The symbolism of this piece was exquisite. Frankly, I'm not surprised it won the popularity poll. The pirate captain (aka Hotpants' friend) was out of town.

Tribute 11. Monkey's Attack by Sam

I very much admire Sam's particular style of cake decorating. Not only do her cakes tell a story, but who doesn't like to lick frosting off toys?

Tribute 12. Beetee's Wire and Katniss's Arrow by Angie Murdock

This Tribute was another big surprise for me. My dear, sweet SIL entered this delicious confection. Plus, I loved this scene at the end of CF.

Tribute #13. Panem by Flem

I loved this cake because it finally gave us a much-needed map of Panem. Imagine the research that went into it! Plus, I've never seen frosting so shiny. For a full explanation of that frosting, click HERE.

Last but certainly not least...

Tribute #14. The Boy with the Bread by Hotpants

This has to be the hawtest cake I've ever seen. (I had to backspace through all of my other comments as they were highly inappropriate.)

That is all. I hope you enjoyed the second annual Hunger Games Cake decorating contest. Thank you all so much for entering the cake arena. You really came through for me. Until next time, Tributes.

*I'm not gonna post the scores from the 7 Gamemakers in deference to the non-winners, so you're just gonna have to trust me. If you throw a hissy about it, then I'll forward you the email with the scores and then you'll reply with an awkward, yet profuse, apology. Up to you.

Cake Polls and Stats

2010-08-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

You have a shocking lack of friends this year:

463, to be exact. Collectively.

However, your computer hacking skills are spot on:

Well done to our top three scorers!

*Please note that pollers prefer the African American Seneca Crane cake to the white Seneca Crane cake, 27 to 1. I'm relived, actually, as I couldn't stomach a bunch of racists visiting my blog. Or people who discriminate against dummies with square-shaped heads.

The official winners will be announced shortly.

Winners

2010-08-24T19:18:00.001-07:00

My plan all along was to announce the winners today, on Release Day, in a rather dramatic fashion. But being dramatic takes time, and I forgot to take into account the fact that all my spare time on Release Day would be used up reading the book in question: Mockingjay.

I'm 66% through it. I can't willingly put it down.

The Gamemakers have emailed me their scores. I know who the winners are. However, I'm not gonna just blurt it out and lose an opportunity to blow the whole contest out of proportion and make a huge deal about it.

I knew you'd understand.

You're too busy reading anyhow.

Tomorrow I will announce the winners and prizes.

Sit tight.

The Second Annual Hunger Games Cakes

2010-08-23T13:50:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the second annual Hunger Games cake decorating contest!

We have 14 tributes to pick from this year, as it's the Quarter Quell. May these 14 tributes serve as a reminder to you of your treacherous acts against the Capitol, 75 years ago when you weren't alive. This serves you right.

Be sure to enlarge each picture and really get a good look at the intricate details.

Let the games begin, and may the odds be ever in all your favors.

Oh, one more thing. I've placed a poll at the bottom for your voting pleasure, but remember, these FIVE GAMEMAKERS will determine the official winner(s). The poll is just the electoral vote, to see which cake is most popular/see who has the most Facebook friends they can convince to come over and vote for their sub-par cake.

Winners will be announce tomorrow.

Tribute 1. The Catalyst...

"It must be very fragile, if a handful of berries can bring it down."

Tribute 2. Finnick's Eyes, Shiny with Tears...
"I'm Sorry Mags, I Can't Do It."

Tribute 3. Last Year's Head Gamemaker...
"He had an unfortunate sentimental streak."

Tribute #4. Katniss's Tree Revenge
"The nest bursts open like an egg, and a furious swarm of tracker jackers takes to the air."

Tribute 5. Katniss Everdeen's Last Kill
"She's excellent," says Peeta. "She hits every one in the eye."

Tribute 6. The Arena
"This is no place for a girl on fire."

Tribute 7. Blood and Roses
I flinch when he whispers in my ear, "By the way, I know about the kiss."

Tribute 8. The Quarter Quell Arena
"Tick Tock. This is a Clock."

Tribute 9. Seneca Crane
"Then I step away quickly to watch the reaction on the Gamemaker's faces as they read the name on the dummy."

Tribute 10. District 12
"Katniss, there is no district 12."

Tribute 11. Monkeys Attack!
"Fangs bared, hackles raised, claws shooting out like switchblades. I may be unfamiliar with monkeys, but animals in nature don't act like this."

Tribute 12. Beetee's Wire and Katniss's Arrow
"The Chink in the Armor."

Tribute #13. Panem
Def. from Latin: panem et circenses, meaning bread and circuses. In the case of politics, the phrase is used to describe the creation of public approval, not through exemplary or excellent public service or public policy, but through the mere satisfaction of the immediate, shallow requirements of a populace.

Tribute #14. The Boy with the Bread
"I thought I was something of an expert on hunger, but this is an entirely new kind."

Which one is your favorite Hunger Games cake?survey software

Motivational Prizes

2010-08-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already, it is not too late to enter the second annual Hunger Games Cake Decorating Contest. You have a whole entire day and night (Sunday) to make your cake and email me the pics (by Monday morning). Srsly, enter a cake. I want you to. If you're reading this, I want you do it. If you don't, then we can't be friends anymore. Yes, I'm breaking up with you.

After much soul searching, I came up with these sweet motivational prizes*, way surpassing last year's super lame prizes. (Srsly, who wants a freaking mouse pad? Besides Markie?)

First place prize is this long red dress that says READ on it:

Gorge, no? We're all booklovers here, so I figured you'd' all go googoogaga for it.
(If a dude wins [ahem. Markie. Where's your cake, eh? Still dying your coconut grass green? Oh, OK.], then I'll replace it with a male tee version.

Second place prize is a copy of The Hunger Games, Chinese Edition.

Extremely rare. Very few of these were printed in China compared to the US (per capita, speaking).

Third place prize is this invisible bookshelf, unseen in the pic below:

You can't see it cuz it's invisible, but it's the shelf on top of which the books are resting. Hardware included.

Consolation prizes will be personalized refrigerator magnets, based on your cake entry. I reserve the right to insult/mock you or your cake on said magnet.

Now, I expect after seeing these prizes I'll have a surge of cake entries. Just try not to send them all at once and overload my motherboard or whatever. Try to space it throughout the day. Much obliged. ::tipping hat::

And may the odds be ever in your favor.

*Note: Those really aren't the first and second place prizes. I just said they were to get more people to enter. Sorry!!! I can't figure out what to award first and second place winners. The game? The Mockingjay pin? The 8 magnet set? His and hers key chains? An awesome, handmade Hunger Games blanket with the Mockingjay logo made by me? Yeah? You like that one? OK, first place for sure is an awesome, handmade hunger games blanket. Second place can't be as cool as first place, so it will have to be the HG magnets or the key chains. Your choice. Cool? Cool. Third place does get the invisible shelf, tho. That one was the real deal. Phew, right?

Glad that's settled.

How it all went down...

2010-08-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

^^That was Gus's surprise birthday party invite.

Gus has ~~asked~~ begged for a birthday party every year for as far back as I can remember (maybe like 3 years), but for various reasons he has never gotten one. Of course, we've had family parties, but never one of those awesome parties where friends come and shower you with gifts and attention. So as you could imagine, throwing Gus a surprise party was gonna be EPIC. We were giddy with excitement.

I had to do something very difficult to keep the surprise from him. I had to deny his request for a birthday party this year. "Maybe when you turn ten," I boldfaced lied to him, "Cuz then you'll be double digits. Nine is just nine." Then I had to watch his lil' face fall, which was torture, but I knew it would be worth it in the end.

And I could not WAIT to see the look on his face.

Alas, I would not.

The day before his party, he ran into a friend at the neighborhood park, and the friend proceeded to spoil my carefully planned surprise, telling Gus about his surprise party. I guess his friend, like me, could not wait to see the look on Gus's face when he told him that he was going to have his first ever birthday party. But that look was supposed to be ~~for ME~~ for all his friends and family to see together.

I was utterly disappointed. My heart actually ached. I didn't cry, but my eyes may have watered up a bit, and when I blinked, that little bit of water may have trickled out. That was probably my allergies, tho. I totally didn't cry!

So, where to go from here? I learned the surprise was out the door via Cord (Gus had only told Cord that he knew about it), just hours before the party. First, Tony and I decided to act like we didn't know he knew, and coach Cord on how to handle the situation. But as Tony and I listened to Cord bumble his lines from the other room (Gus soooo wasn't buying it), I finally gave up and went in to handle it myself.

"What's this? A party? A surprise party? No, Gus, I already told you. You can't have a party this year. You're friend was probably just playing a trick on you. Sorry." <--all said with a concerned face, lil creases between eyebrows, and my head tilted to the side.

Gus believed me. First his bottom lip turned down, and then it started to quiver, and then his eyes filled with tears, and then he blinked and the tears trickled down his face. He totally cried! Perfect! We were back in business!

Under the guise of trying to make him feel better, I told Gus that since his friend had played such a mean "trick" on him, how about we let him invite some friends to go to Laser Quest with him on Friday. His frown went away, but his eyes were still sad. Good, good. I needed him good and sad if I was gonna get the reaction out of him that I wanted. I knew I wouldn't get to see the "HOLY COW WHAT'S GOING ON COULD THIS BE HAPPENING THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE" face, it was too late for that, but at least I could see a "I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE" face. That'll do, Pig. That'll do.

So, Tony was going to take Gus and Homer (who also had no idea about the party, since we smartly kept it from him too) to the store to get some party invitations for his "fake Laser Quest" party, and run a few more errand while he was at it. I pulled Tony aside before he left and went over the plan with him again. I desperately wanted to salvage this surprise party, I couldn't have anything else go wrong. "Make sure you come through the front door, not the garage door, and make sure Gus opens the door, not you or Homer. I'm gonna video this, and I want to get his face." Tony, dismissing me, "I know, I know, I know."

Tony left, Erin and Scott arrived to help set up, and then the kids started to arrive. We went over the plan with the kids. We practiced our "surprise" on Cord a few times, everyone was ready to go, and then the big moment happened:

I can't take credit for that. Tony orchestrated that entrance. "He knew, he knew, he knew," exactly what to do, and there was no need for me to remind him. Brilliant, no?

Anyhow, after we shoved Homer out of the way, I got Gus on video:

Things didn't go according to plan, yes, but from there on out the party was a smashing success (thanks to mine and Erin's hard core party skills, I must say). It was loud, it was crazy, it was a little chaotic, it was fun. We broke into two teams, and went on a scavenger hunt through the neighborhood. Team Jacob (my team) totally beat Team Edward (Erin's team). We played the Candy bar game (you know which one I'm talking about, right?). We opened presents (srs cash!). We had cake. We walked/ran to the park in the dark and played Missionary Tag. Yeah, it was pretty much the best day of Gus's life. ::patting myself on the back for making his dreams come true::

Happy Birthday Gus!

New Things I Learned

2010-08-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

My kids went out to jump on the tramp a few nights ago, and came bursting back into the house to say, "Mom, you have to come outside with us! It's cold!"

Curious, I checked the current weather on my phone without leaving the comfort of the first cushion of my couch and saw that 85 degrees is what my kids think is cold. Adorable, no?

In preparing for our garage sale last weekend, I learned that Cord does not form emotional attachments to objects.

Case in point:

I gathered the kids into the toy room (aka the lego room, cuz that's the only toy they really play with), handed them several trash bags, and informed them that we are getting rid of/selling every toy they don't play with anymore. I expected some protests, but without missing a beat, Cord starts dumping buckets of toys into his trash bag.

I was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? Don't you want to look through that?" And he went, "nah, I don't play with any of this stuff," which is true. Then I spotted the Steve Irwin action figure he got when he was like three years old, going into the trash bag, and I snatched it out. "Cord!" I screeched. "You got this when you were three! Steve Irwin is dead now!" And he went, "But I don't play with it anymore."

But this is different, you gize! Steve Irwin is dead! And Cord's had that action figure since he was about three! Is nothing sacred?

Don't worry, I saved it for him. Other sacred toys I saved were Harry Potter and Shrek. But then Cord convinced me to put Shrek back into the trash bag because his ears were broken off. The second Shrek sold (for $0.25) at our garage sale, I had srs regrets. Why had I listened to him?!

Gus's reaction was much different than Cord's. He clung to the lamest toys, ones he never plays with... until I informed him that he would get to keep any money he made from their sale. He blinked, and I swore I heard cash register sounds. Then he set himself up for disappointment when he priced his old Pokemon cards at 10-for-$3.

The kids sold a small portion of their toys and made $20.

I sold a small portion of my junk and made $106. No doubt worth several days of labor-intensive work. Ahem.

After our garage sale was over, I learned that nobody wants to buy our old, blue-plaid couch and matching chair for $75, and nobody wants it for free either.

Watch This

2010-08-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

Why is Bea only checking those two rooms for her mama? It's like she's got blinders on, sheesh! The hop-stomping was a bit much. ... OK, the hop-stomping was cute, I admit grudgingly. And then how she peeked around the corner all sheepishly? Adorable! That settles it, I'm getting a lamb.

Lots of Junk

2010-08-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

We went to the DI the other day, as we are in the market for other peoples' junk to replace the junk we're getting rid of at our garage sale this weekend. Old junk is weird, so I expected to see some curious things, but there were still a few things that made me go "whoa, wha"...

^^What kind of people donate frames without removing their Olan Mills portraits first? This is unconscionable.

^^I've been a loyal Nevada Power customer for over ten years, yet I've never received a promotional martini glass. Or were these just for execs?

^^Chris's water bottle.
He doesn't need it anymore, and there are a lot of people in the world named Chris.

Anyway, I came away with one good buy. This sweet, like-new guitar stand for a measly $3.

Now I don't have to lean it up against the wall anymore.

In other news, my precious baby made it back from scout camp alive and well, except for some nasty scabs on his hands and knees. That was expected tho.

(in case you're wondering, featured beside him in every pic is his bff, Michael)

He had the best time ever, so it was almost worth missing him so bad while he was gone. The only downside is now we have have to listen to him sing obnoxious camp songs for hours on end.

Got a sweet guitar stand, got my boy home, all is right in the Esplin house.

Official Announcement: The Second Annual Hunger Games Cake Decorating Contest

2010-08-06T18:48:00.000-07:00

The time has come!

To celebrate the long awaited release of the final book in the HG series by Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay, I am pleased to announce the second annual Hunger Games cake decorating contest.

Now, as a reminder of why we hold this annual cake decorating contest, it is required by the government that you read the history of the HG cake decorating contest HERE(<--last year's cakes), HERE(<--the fallout after last year's tribute rebellion), and HERE(<--the winners of the first annual HGCDC). If you don't then you will be killed, as per the government's request.

Anyone is welcome to enter the cake arena, so feel free to pass this along to your friends and family. (The ones that suck at decorating cake, at least. We don't want them to actually beat us or anything.) If you are brave enough to volunteer as a tribute, simply follow the following simple steps:

Step #1: Decorate a cake in some way that represents The Hunger Games, or Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins. It doesn't have to taste good, it only has to look good. (And srsly, check out last year's cakes if you haven't seen them, so you don't make the same thing.) Under your frosting, there must be cake.<--that is a rule, punishable by ~~death~~ disqualification.

Step #2: Take pictures. Lots of pictures. From all different angles. Of your finished cake.

Step #3: Email those pictures to me [ajesplin at gmail dot com] by Sunday, August 22nd. Yes, any time between now and the 22nd is fine. No, you can't turn it in on the 23rd. I'm sorry you're gonna be out of town on the 22nd, but for the last time NO, you can't turn it in late. Sheesh. In the subject line of the email, you can write something like "HG cake contest". Also, choose a name for your cake (like "60 Seconds" or "Peeta!" or "whatever") for keepin'-'em-all-straight purposes. If you don't name your cake, I'll pick a random name for you. First thing that pops into my head, which is very risky.

That's all you gotta do. Piece of cake, no?

On Monday, August 23rd, I will post pictures of all the cakes (a few angles from each cake, just like last year).

Now, about how the winner(s) will be determined. As you know (since you were forced to read the history of the HGCDC or else be killed), last year, I was unable to figure out a fair way to judge the cakes. I tried to do the voting via an online poll, but most of the tributes cheated (ie. revealing which cake was theirs, casting fake electronic votes). All the cheaters claimed they were merely star-crossed lovers, but I saw it as an act of rebellion and promptly called for a re-vote. Subsequent utter chaos followed, and I practically had an uprising on my hands.

I cannot allow a rebellion to spark this year.

So, although I will still post a poll so passersby can vote on their favorite cake, that poll will NOT determine the winner(s). Got that? It's just for fun, to see which cake is most popular/see who has the most Facebook friends they can convince to come over and vote for their sub-par cake.

This year, the first, second, and third place winner will be determined by 5 Gamemakers, who have agreed to judge our humble cakes. To meet your judges, follow that link. They are fans of our previous work, and they are highly qualified to judge HG cakes for many reasons.

First, they've had several birthdays, which means they've eaten loads of annual cake in their lifetime.

Second, they shop at grocery stores and grocery stores sell cakes.

Third, their views and opinions do not express those of that big publishing company who shall-not-be-named.(<--I was required to say that. Yes, I know it's not really a qualification, per se.)

Fourth, they are an impartial third party, and will not spark a rebellion. (I hope)

Fifth, they aren't pirates.

Those are just the qualifications I could think of off the top of my head. There's probably loads more.

As far as prizes, there will be a first, second, and third place prize, plus a consolation prize to console all losers who entered. I am still brainstorming prize ideas. If you have a brilliant/reasonable idea, lemme know. That is all. Happy cake-making, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Turn that frown around

2010-08-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my SIL emailed me this old pic she found in an old laptop file which was likely entitled "The Cutest People I Know."

If you can't tell, that's Tony with our two oldest boys when they were ittle bitty kins. Seeing this made me sad because it reminded me that we used to drink regular Coke instead of Diet Coke. All those extra calories! It also made me sad because I'm missing my boy.

This is the pic I took of Cord the morning he left for scout camp, five days ago:

I gave him a George Mcfly haircut the night before he left. All business in the back, party in the front. His hair had gotten so long, and I knew he wasn't going to have much time up at camp for lame things, like washing his cascading locks of silky blonde hair.

He's been gone way too long for my taste, and I have no way to contact him. Why does camp gotta be so long? If I'd known that one week feels like one year in cord-gone-time, I wouldn't have let him go. Things aren't the same without him around. I want things the same. FHS, he's my favorite child! No, just kidding. ::nervous laugh::

Anyway, I'm feeling a little better now. In an effort to cheer myself up, I went in search of my most favorite video of all time and watched it twice. Much thanks to the young lady who posted it years ago. If you're feeling down in the dumps, click HERE and watch it for a quick pick me up. Hope it helps you as much as it helped me. ::snap, kick, snap, kick::

So... Anyway...

2010-07-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

This is awkward. Blogging after so much time has passed. I mean really sitting down and blogging, not just emailing a pic from my phone. I'm trying to decide if I want to go back a few months and detail what has been going on around here, or just acting like nothing has happened at all. We'll see. I'm still in my PJs and it's past noon.

Anyway, I'm really here to post a quick reminder of an upcoming event. Yes, you guessed it, Mockingjay (the third and final book in the Huger Games series) by Suzanne Collins will be out in less than a month:

And you know what that means, right? Yes, you guessed it, the second annual Hunger Games cake decorating contest will commence. And I have a few surprises up my sleeve this year. The official announcement with all the sweet details and prizes will be coming soon, I just wanted to give you potential tributes a heads up so you have time to reread The Hunger Games and Catching Fire, fall in love with the whole series all over again, and start brainstorming those cake ideas. And listen, anyone can enter. Don't be intimidated by last year's Careers.

May the odds be ever in my your favor!

Hank

2010-07-21T11:55:00.000-07:00

Check out my brand-spankin'-new nephew. Holy cuteness

Srs Help Needed

2010-07-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

Would someone please submit my name for a backyard makeover on TLC or
some other television network? Kthanks.

Reunited

2010-07-03T17:54:00.000-07:00

I got my camera back. Phew, right? (Thanks Landee) And it was just in time to get some shots of these gize...

taking pictures of these gize...

(Those gize ^^ are Aunt Visor and Uncle Visor,
in case you couldn't tell by their visors,
otherwise known as Memzy's parents.)

And after I took those pictures, I promptly stored my camera under the console in Memzy's van and never took it out again. Disappointing, because I actually got to meet the whole entire Visor family in person over the next few days and I didn't get a single picture for proof. Let me just say that AV and UV produced a handsome group of kids/grandkids and I (the outsider) was practically hideous in comparison. But they welcomed me into their group anyway. Nice, huh? I love those Visors.

I also love Edward and Jacob. I tolerate Bella.

I assume you've all seen Eclipse by now. We somehow managed to get front row seats to the midnight showing!

We were litrly about seven feet from the movie screen. Bella's wig looked huge from where we were sitting. It was actually kinda great. There were plenty of dialog scenes that we didn't have to watch, so we could rest our necks for the really good parts, like the tent scene and scene right after the tent scene and (my personal favorite) the scene when Alice turned to Jasper and whispered/whistled "sfhhhhh". Overall, great seats!

It's not even out yet...

2010-07-01T18:48:00.001-07:00

and it's already number 1.

Happy Birth Homer

2010-06-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

(cuz "birthday" didn't fit on the cake)

Homer turned 5 years old. ::Sniff::

This has been the fasted 5 years of my life.

Homer had a birthday party and invited friends, which is unheard of around here. In fact, this is only the second birthday party with friends I've ever had for my kids (the first one being Cord's infamous 9th birthday party, and I can't write on here why it was infamous because it's too scandalous but most of you know as it's one of my fave scandalous stories to tell.) Gus has never had a birthday party before, and he's been begging for one for years. That's not fair. So I think I'm going to throw him a surprise party this year. Mums the word, K? I had a surprise party once when I was little and it was one of the best days of my life. Which brings me to my point: I am 100% sure that today was the best day of HOMEDIGITY's life! It was a good day for me too, watching him open his presents and freak out over every single one of 'em ("awesome!' "woohoo!" "yessss!"). I wish I had had my camera. Alas, it's still in Denver, so these celly pics'll have to do, pig.

The whole gang:

Note the number of children. I was the only adult. Not good, as I am still weak and fragile from previous mentioned illness. The older kids pitched in and stuff, but still, by the time it was over, I felt terrible and crashed for the rest of the afternoon. But it was so worth it.

Lots of Bad News

2010-06-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

Bad news #1: We got home from our trip last Tuesday and realized that we left our precious camera in the Denver airport, gate C31.

(which is why I haven't posted about our trip)
Luckily, Gty was able to pick it up for us at the airport on Friday, and Landee is going to hand deliver it on Tuesday, and I'll be a blogging machine by next weekend, which is good news for you, I'm sure.

Bad news #2: When we picked up our car from the Excalibur casino (we had parked there and took a cab to/from the airport, as it's cheaper than parking at the airport), the battery was dead. After two tries with two different cars, we finally got it to jump start. Car was out of commission until Thursday.

Bad news #3: On Friday, I had to spend the afternoon at the dreaded Las Vegas DMV.

You can't really tell from this picture, but the place is pure evil. I waited in a line for almost an hour just to get my picture taken for my new driver's license. Then I took a number and the real waiting began. Evil, I tell ya. Plus, I had practiced my smile/pose in the mirror for my new picture, was determined to have a gorge picture, and when I got to the chair, the lady made me take off my glasses, so I would be "recognizable". Um, I guarantee you wouldn't recognize me without my glasses. Needless to say, this turn of events caught me off guard and I look totally caught off guard in my picture.

Bad news #4: I woke up at 4:30am on Sat morning, violently ill, and by 7am, Tony was carrying me out to the car to take me to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I nearly died and this morphine drip saved my life.

Ah! Morphine! This was the best experience I've ever had at a hospital to date, I was so glad Tony made me go, and I never wanted to leave my morphine drip. I don't even care that it'll probably cost us a fortune. The rest of the day was a blur, slept through most of it, but I couldn't have gotten through it without my sis Erin coming to the rescue, and my neighbor chipping in with the kids. I'm much better now, just weak and fragile and I smell faintly of puke, but I'm going to shower when I'm done here.

Bad news #5: Homedigity's birthday is tomorrow, and I had planned to get his presents on Saturday and have his little party all ready to go. Now I have nothing done, and I'm worried I won't be 100% better in time. Stressing.

Bad news #6: Laundry. Loads of it.

Any bad news to share?

Yodel lay he who

2010-06-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yeah, we're still outta town. This alpine slide was all kinds of fun!

Twelve, say it ain't so!

2010-06-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

My new born baby is tweleve years old today! Can't believe it. Doesn't
he look like a baby still? He's having tons of fun in the landerson's
basement with his new roller blades.

In other news, happy fathers day to all you fathers out there, namely
Tony and Gus--my dad, not my son. And a very special happy bday to my
very special friend, memzy shederton! May all your dreams come true.

Denver Mint

2010-06-18T07:45:00.001-07:00

We made it to the Denver mint by the skin of our knees!! Onward to
Molly Brown's house!

Della where?

2010-06-17T14:16:00.001-07:00

Just five hours before we had to get up for our flight out of
Philadelphia, we somehow found ourselves in Delaware (famous for their
Olive Garden restaurants). Smart, eh? Next came the worst 12 hours of
my life, but alas, we made it to good ol' Colorado! Yeee haw! Them
Landersons are puttin us up. That's right kindly of em.

PS. Gus is a blur cuz he's sneezing into his arm.

Intercourse

2010-06-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

(Pennsylvania)

We weren't shunned in Amish country, as Cord had feared. Elsie, our
young Amish tour guide, was particularly friendly. She likes to play
volleyball on the weekends with her friends. She told us lots of Amish
secrets, I'll tell you gize all about later. Until then, rumspringa!

Haunted Hotel

2010-06-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

We stayed at this neat old hotel in Gettysburg, right in the center of
town. I highly recommend visiting Gettysburg and staying at this exact
hotel. Loved it. On to Amish paradise...

Gettysburg!

2010-06-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

Where the streets were paved in dead bodies! The bodies are gone now,
only the ghosts remain. We just finished a walking ghost tour of
downtown Gettysburg. It was delightful! Super interesting! Can't
wait to go through my digi-film and see if I captured any orbs or
blurs (aka ghosts) with my camera! (Follow the path of where homer is
pointing. See the tiny ghost orb?!)

Milton Hershey is Rich

2010-06-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

We just finished a trolley tour of the town of Hershey. Super
adorable! Learned lots of interesting facts. Tell you all about it
later. Off to Gtysbrg...! Don't even have time to spell it out! Hang
loose!

Hershey Park

2010-06-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

Hershey has to be the prettiest town I've ever seen. It is ltrly
perfect. Hershey Park (theme park) opened in 1907. It has a lot of
classic rides, but the park overall is modern, inventive, and clean.
It's huge too, with a water park and a zoo attached.

A theme park built around a giant walking chocolate bar with a cartoon
face? Brilliant I say!

Valley Forge

2010-06-13T12:38:00.001-07:00

It's only 85 degrees today, but it feels like 120. This humidity is
brutial. The sweat is dripping off us, can't breathe, and my glasses
keep fogging up. Now I know exactly how those revolutionary soliders
felt, time to get in my air conditioned vehicle and drive to Hershey,
where the streets are paved in chocolate.

Please Touch Museum

2010-06-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

Way cool unique museum for little kids, where they ask you, very
politely, to touch everything. (Don't worry, there's hand sanatizer
stations all over the place.) This is the Mad Hatter's tea party.
(Note Cord's extended pinkie.) Lots of cool pics from this museum,
can't wait to tell you all about it.

The Franklin Institute of Science

2010-06-11T16:46:00.000-07:00

Where you can walk through a giant replica of a human heart and come
out without a drop of human blood on you. It's amazing! The kids are
loving this place.

Independance Hall

2010-06-10T16:39:00.000-07:00

Did you know that only 2 out of every 3 colonists were interested in
independance?

City of Brotherly Love

2010-06-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

It only makes sense that we'd go to Philadelphia. It's practically
required, right?

Packed, ready to go...

2010-06-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

I cut this very close! Things have been so busy around here that we didn't get around to booking our last hotel and rental car until late last night. (Or it might have been due to my crippling indecision about where we should stay.) Stressin' big time. Wondering if it's all worth it. Thinkin' it is.

Stay tuned for real-time updates on the Esplin family travel adventures. Lots of plane legs, lots of destinations... who knows, we might even show up at your house. (Don't hold your breath, tho, k.)

Long Weekend, No Money (plus, end of school year wrap up)

2010-06-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of school for us, and I couldn't be gladder. Finally, I can stay up as late as I want! I can't wait to escape my air conditioned house in the middle of the night, and wrap myself in a blanket of warm summer night air. Diet coke, good book, various desert bugs. Life just got a whole lot more relaxinger, eh?

Next week we're leaving for our annual Esplin family vacay (more on that later), so we decided that over Memorial weekend, we wouldn't spend a dime. (It's expensive, ya know, taking 5 people on vacation.)

So, we occupied ourselves over the weekend with a few big cleaning projects. The pinnacle of which was cleaning out our garages. We've been binging on clutter and trash and old things that don't fit, and it was time to purge it all from our lives.

My dad would be proud:

I'm not going to show you a picture of our other garage bc there's still stuff in there, and although it's organized in a way that makes sense to us, you wouldn't understand. Just know that we donated car loads of stuff and the garbage men hate our guts.

On a side note, Homer found a bike helmet when we were cleaning out the garage and has been wearing it around ever since.

Why do kids think they can get away with stuff like this? Is this Lady Gaga's influence?
_________________________

K, Here's my quick, end of school-year wrap-up.

Homer graduated from preschool:

During the ceremony, Homer sat at the back of the stage, and his teacher sat right behind him, within grabbing and whispering distance. This set up was no coincidence, I'm sure.

Cord had his junior thespian induction ceremony, and was also given the outstanding performance award for his performance in "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead." He was either Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, can't remember.

Notice that they spelled his name wrong on his award. But they might argue we're the ones who spelled it wrong. I dunno.

Gus had his final drama production. He portrayed an unappreciated spider, brilliantly.

I was very surprised with how comfortable he was on stage. He has really come out of his shell this year. I've always described him as a shy kid, and I can't say if that description fits him anymore. Good for him!

Here he is with his award for completing his first year of Drama Kids.

(I have way too many pictures of my boys in this same position^^. Next time, Cord's in the middle.)

Question for you Book Nerds...

2010-05-21T11:22:00.000-07:00

What are your top five favorite books?

That's my favorite question to ask people. ^^ Not only is it a conversation starter, but also a litmus test. If the person doesn't read, no biggie, I'd just jump in with a question about their favorite TV shows, and if they don't read or watch TV, then we can't be friends and they're dead to me.

(Side note: When my cousin-in-law Amber was here, she goes, "So, I like to ask people, what is your signature meal you cook?" I was sweatin bullets, various Lean Cuisines were flashing through my mind, until I remembered this easy tasty meal I make every-other Sunday but without the chicken, keyword: easy. Thank goodness for Aunt Shel, or I would have looked like a real loser, having a signature meal that's prepared via the microwave, and all.)

It's fascinating to me, what kinds of books people like to read. I'll have someone pegged as a SciFi Fantasy nerd, only to discover that one of their favorite books is The Grand Sophy by Georgette Heyer (thanks for the recommendation, Markie!). My sister Sara is a big fan of the Sweet Valley High series. I don't know if they would make her top five, but that's her favorite genre, along with my sister Amy. My sister Erin checked out a book from the library about the perilous journey of the Donner party, who got stuck in a mountain pass and had to eat each other to survive, and she enjoyed it so much that she decided to keep it. She loves depressing true stories.

So, here are my current top five books:

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins--duh
Harry Potter series by JK Rowling--double duh
Captain Blood by Rafael Sabitini--newest gem on my list
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak--single tear
Exodus by Leon Uris--epic
The Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner--Gen
Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer--the great uniter

One interesting thing I noticed about my list is that I have seven books in my top five, not counting each individual book in the series, then it would be about 20. Another thing I noticed about my list is that they are all books I've read in the last two or three years (with the exception of the Harry Potter series, which I started about 8 years ago). Why is that, I wonder? Are my tastes changing? Or have I just forgotten how much I love Persuasion by Jane Austen? Speaking of that...

Rounding out my top ten books:

Persuasion by Jane Austen --all her books, actually
Black Sheep by Georgette Heyer--all her books, actually
The Far Pavilions by M.M. Kaye--epic
Battle Royale by Koushun Takami--don't read this book, it's sick!
The Ladies of Missalonghi by Colleen Mccullough--hard core revenge
These is my Words by Nancy E Turner--Capt'n Jack

Clearly, I have no respect for boundaries, as six books round out my top ten. I haven't even mentioned the Potato book or The Help. This is tough.

Here's the last thing I noticed about my list. With the exception of three books that I discovered on my own, all of those books were recommended to me by either you or someone else I know. My SIL Mich begged me to read Harry Potter when I had no interest in reading it whatsoever. She litrly mailed me books 1-3 so I'd have to read them, and I was hooked. The newest book on my list, Captain Blood, was recommended by a friend of mine on Goodreads. I am obsessed with this book. If there was a Captain Blood action figure, I'd buy it. If Captain Blood lived in Forks, WA, I'd go visit the town. If there was a Captain Blood team, I'd join it.

So, what are your top five books?
I'm open minded when it comes to fiction genre, so don't worry, I won't judge you if there are a few SciFi Fantasy books on your list. Too much nonfiction might indicate that you don't read for pleasure tho, and too many classic novels is definitely a red flag. Otherwise, no judgment.

Then, if you have time, join Goodreads and add me as your friend. Some of you are already on there, and I've gotten some good books from you gize, indeed. Thanks!

My review of Captain Blood:

Captain Blood by Rafael Sabatini

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Ahoy, everybody. I've decided that Captain Blood is one of my new favorite novels. (I'm putting it in my top five, but I can't decide what to bump down, so there will be six books in my top five--shhhh). It's a swashbuckling adventure that had me completely enthralled from beginning to end. It contains pirates! Need I say more? OK. I'll tell you more. Peter Blood is my favorite kind of protagonist--a reluctant hero, overcoming misfortune, outsmarting his adversaries against all odds, and witty without effort. Plus, he's freakishly handsome (I imagine).

Here's the gist:
Unjustly arrested and shipped off to the Caribbean as a slave, Peter Blood escapes his captors, and, through a series of adventures, becomes a successful (although reluctant) pirate captain. He tempers his pirateishness for the love for an unattainable (or so he thinks) woman he met as a slave--restraining himself against his enemies, sacrificing his pride, risking his life... all for Miss Arabella Bishop, whose opinion he holds in high esteem, even though he believes he'll never see her again (wrong).

Sigh, right?

So anyhow, I recommend that ye read it, me hearties. Or else. Dead men tell no tales.<--that's a promise. View all my reviews >>

Hey, Ladies

2010-05-17T12:28:00.000-07:00

This middle-aged gentleman lives in my neighborhood:

I got a good look at him in his garage the next time I passed his house. He's a small, thin man with a receding hairline and a kind smile, so I think he's just being ironic.

My Phenomenal Wal*Mart Story

2010-05-13T16:25:00.000-07:00

So, I told you this part yesterday:

Tony and I were at Wal*Mart. It was late, and freakishly crowded. Long lines, utter chaos, angry customers.

Right when we got in line, the checker ran over and handed us his "lane closed" sign and said we were his last costumers of the night. We were like, "whateves." Tony tucked the sign under his arm, and we began the long process of harvesting our imaginary farms on our iPhones, ignoring everything around us. But then all the sudden, Tony nudged me and points behind us and there are like fifty people in line behind us, reading magazines etc, as if they'd been waiting there for a while. And we're holding this "lane closed" sign. Dang...

Here's the rest of the story:

We were all nervous, since we had to tell these busy-looking people who'd been waiting behind us that they'd have to start over in another line. At first, Tony tried to hand the sign off to me, and I was like, "no way, that's your sign," and he was like, "this isn't my job, I don't work here," and I was like, "apparently you do." ::glancing pointedly at said sign::

So Tony put on his most sheepish expression, turned to the people behind us, showed them the sign, and was like, "Hey, sorry, I forgot the checker handed me this sign. The lane is closed after us."

They didn't take the news so well. They rolled their eyes and murmured and gnashed their teeth, and I didn't blame them.

But once those angry people went away, we began to take our job much more srsly, and found it to be quite rewarding. A constant and steady flow of people tried to line up behind us, because ours was the only line that was actually shrinking. They'd approach our line with such gusto, relieved to find a shorter checkout line. "What luck!" their bright and eager eyes would say. And then Tony would hold up his "lane closed" sign, we'd explain the situation, and their little faces would fall. They were angry, but not at us. We were just the messengers. And we'd break the news gently, comforting them, agreeing that it wasn't fair, telling them how sorry we were on behalf of the Wal*Mart checker, and they'd say it wasn't our fault, and then we'd send them on their way. Within seconds, another eager soul would approach, and we'd do it again.

There was something enjoyable about the situation, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I think it was the common enemy thing.

We got to be the bearers of bad news for about thirty minutes, and then we were next in queue. The whole time, I thought the checker should have turned off his light, to stop attracting customers, so as soon as I caught the checker's attention, I asked him if he would please turn off his light. He looked at me all confused. I told him that people keep lining up behind us, and we have to keep telling them the lane is closed. And the checker said, without an ounce of apology, "Huh? I can't close my line down. We're too busy." He took his sign back from Tony--again, without an ounce of apology.

Meanwhile, hoards of new people were lining up behind us, and the people we had most recently sent on their way were in the checkout lanes beside us, glaring and murmuring and gnashing their teeth.

We avoided eye contact as we made our way out of Wal*Mart.

Wasn't that a phenomenal story?

The truth about sugar crystals, and much more

2010-05-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering, sugar crystals grow faster in distilled water than tap water. I know because I spent Mother's day ~~relaxing in bed and reading a book~~ conducting a highly scientific 3rd-grade-level experiment that would give us the answer to that question the hard way. (the easy way being Google)

Notice the hounds-tooth paper on our display board. Nice touch, eh? I'm actually excited to hear back about my grade.

Other than that, my Mother's day went like this:
I got a lovely pink Snuggi.
Tony worked.
I took a decent nap after church.
The house was ransacked by burglars.
The end.

The night before Mother's day, Tony and I went to Wal*Mart. It was late, and it was freakishly crowded. They had maybe ten percent of their registers open, and the lines were loooooong. Utter chaos. We waited no less than thirty minutes in our line.

But right when we got in line, the checker ran over and handed us his "lane closed" sign and said we were his last costumers of the night. We were like, "whateves." Tony tucked the sign under his arm, and we began the long process of harvesting our imaginary farms on our iPhones, ignoring everything around us. But then all the sudden, Tony nudged me and points behind us and there are like fifty people in line behind us, reading magazines etc, as if they'd been waiting there for a while. And we're holding this "lane closed" sign. Dang...

(...hang on a sec, I gotta go. I'll finish this story right when I get back. )

Competitive Drama

2010-04-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

Last night, Cord's drama club had another performance. This time it was a showcase of monologues, musical numbers, and duets. Cord went first and performed a humorous acting duet (not a singing duet) with his partner, and then the two of them sat on a bench on stage and watched as the other performers took their turn on stage, heckling them between performances, a la these two elderly gents from the Muppets:

It was quite entertaining, but the real significance of last night is that Cord now has enough performing "points" to be inducted as a member of Junior Thespian Troupe Number Something Something Eight. Which means he is now eligible to enter and compete in local, sectional, regional, state, national, and international drama competitions.

Yes, competitive drama. Drama is indeed a sport.

Now that I have an athlete in my family, I finally understand that competitive drive you soccer moms feel. You've got to be number one!<--said like Emilio Estevez in the Breakfast Club, mimicking his abusive dad. But I don't have to tape his buns together to get him on that stage. He is very self-motivated, a real acting pro, so all I really have to do is drive him to practices and show up on the night of his performances. Easiest sport ever.

K, so if you recall, he played Nick Bottom in A Midsummer Night's Dream earlier this year:

Well, I'm finally going to post some video. I was holding out for a copy of the better-quality video footage taken by the school, but the DVDs still haven't come in, so my own dark, bad angled video clips will have to do.

Note: I have five video clips here. If you only have time for one, watch the third one down.

I didn't capture Cord's first scene, which, if I remember correctly, was a real crowd pleaser. But in this scene, Nick Bottom (a scene-stealing thespian) and his acting troupe are practicing a play they hope to perform for the king and queen. So you don't get confused, Cord's character, Nick Bottom, is playing the character of Pyramus, and is referred to as both Bottom and Pyramus. Please note his subtle head nods toward the other kids when it's their turn to say their line:

In this scene, a naughty fairy has turned Nick Bottom's head into that of donkey, and Nick has no idea. When the queen fairy wakes up, she falls in love with donkey-headed Nick, due to a love spell she is under, much to Nick's confusion.

In this scene, Nick is sitting amongst the fairies, who are showering him with attention.

This is after the naughty fairy removed the donkey-head spell. Nick wakes up, thinks everything that just happened was a dream, and is mad at his acting troupe for leaving him asleep in the woods.

Here, Nick reunites with his troupe, and then they perform their play about the two tradgic lovers "Pyramus and Thisbe". The boy who comes out first and kneels between Pyramus and Thisbe is playing a wall with a hole in it, through which Pyramus and Thisbe talk. The part of Thisbe (Pyramus's love interest) is played by a boy with a beard, in case that's hard to tell from my dark, blurry video.

The end. Hope you enjoyed that, even tho your equally special kid wasn't in it.

Over the weekend...

2010-04-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

Cord wore his 4-year-old brother's coat to the grocery store without an once of shame:

Gus came home from school without his two front teeth:

We were pleased that he lost both his front teeth at the same time, as Cord lost one at a time and had to endure a year of snaggletoothness. Gus didn't care about any of that, he was just pleased to get double the tooth fairy money, and insisted we take him to Walmart at once!

The kids have been begging for a pet, and after Walmart, we somehow let them talk us into taking them to Petsmart... just to look.

We caved within minutes, and got them two freakishly cute dwarf robo hamsters. Homer was especially thrilled. After we got the ~~cage~~ plush hamster house all set up, he begged us relentlessly to let him hold one of the buggers.

It was 5 seconds of pure bliss...

until...

I was lucky to capture the exact moment^.
If that picture had sound, you would hear high-pitched screaming and wailing.

So, Katniss bites. I'm not surprised. She's a fighter.

A few reviews

2010-04-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

I posted a picture of me reading an iPad nonchalantly, so you will assume I got one, and become jealous and upset, but then you'll see that fine print at the bottom of the picture, realize it's not mine, and then feel silly for getting your panties in a bunch. That's the kind of person I am.

That iPad I'm holding belongs to my cousin Andy and his wife Amber. They were in town for a conference awhile back, and they left their iPad at my house for me to babysit, along with their kids. So I thought I'd post some reviews, in case you were considering an iPad (vs. a Kindle), or thinking about babysitting Andy and Amber's kids.

First, my review of their kids, Evelyn and Preston.

1) They say all kinds of entertaining things.
2) They look and act like boy/girl twins, and who wouldn't want to sample twins for one day.
3) They equate a park with a slide to Disneyland, which is always good for a babysitter's ego.
4) They are two of the happiest kids I've ever met.

Bottom line, I give them 5 out of 5 stars and recommend you all babysit them.

Now, my review of the iPad (as compared to its nemesis, the Kindle):

It has never escaped my notice that the Kindle is slightly 1980s Atari-ish, what with its mouse-size joy-stick, and duel side flaps for old-school page turning. Seeing it next to the iPad, in the flesh, only confirms my suspicion that Amazon needs to fire the elderly gentleman in their design department.

Compared to the Kindle, the iPad is like a shiny new spaceship, but this futuristic technology is nothing we're not used to. The iPad is basically a ginorm iPhone, or, I should say, an iTouch, since it doesn't function as a phone. If you already have one of those, you would just be buying a huger one.

Excluding all the fun apps on the iPad (since you could do all that on a much-cheaper iPhone/iTouch), and speaking only from a book reader's POV, the iPad does do a lot of interesting things that the Kindle cannot do. For example, I sampled the children's book, Toy Story. It was in color! The iPad read the book to me in a very nice Woody-type voice. It was animated. There were small icons on the top corner of almost every page. Tap one, and the screen would switch to a little game of "get the floating army men safely to the ground." Tap another icon, and the screen would switch to a full-size video of "You Gotta Friend in Me" from the movie. So basically, only a few pages into the book, I had stopped "reading", and started watching a scene from the movie. Which made me think, "Why would any kid want to 'read' this, when they could just go watch the movie?"

Which made me think of THIS.

So, as far as children's books go, it was novel (ahem. pun.), but who's gonna hand this super expensive thing over to a kid so they can fake-read? Maybe right when you take it out of the box, you'd set them on your lap and let them have a gander, but after that, it'll be this never ending question: "Can I play on your iPad?" and this never ending answer: "Hells no." (The "hells" part won't be spoken out loud, cuz these are kids we're talking about, but you'll sure as hell be thinking it.)

Reading a grown-up novel on the iPad (without pictures and stuff) was cool. The pages turn with a slide of a finger across the screen, as expected. Some people may not like that it's back-lit, just like a computer screen, as it could cause eye-strain. That might bother me over time, but in the short term, it doesn't. The Kindle, if you recall, is not back-lit. The screen looks like paper. But you need a lamp.

Buying a book in Apple's bookstore, iBooks, cost more than buying the same book in Amazon's Kindle store. For example, Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen sells in iBooks for $9.99, while it was only $6.27 in the Amazon Kindle store. The paperback price on Amazon is $10.04. You save a lot with Kindle, only pennies with Apple. Solution: simply download the Kindle app to your iPad and buy all your books through the Kindle store. So that's not really a mark against the iPad, but a big mark against Apple's iBooks store.

What surprised me the most about the iPad was its weight. It's a heavy mother-ship, where the Kindle is a paper airplane. It was the difference between holding a big ol' giant heavy dictionary, or holding a small, practically weightless paperback. Call me Mr. Burns, but the weight was actually a big deal to me. I read in bed every night, and I couldn't imagine holding up a dictionary-type book with my weak fragile arms.

Price.
Kindle costs $259.00 (that's after tax, free shipping).
The iPad starts at $499.00 for their lowest memory model (plus tax could add another $40, and you have to pay a recycling fee of $8 in some states, free shipping).

Bottom line: The Kindle could use a technological makeover as far as design, but it is brilliant at what it was intended for: downloading cheap books instantly to a wireless reading device. And the 1908s design doesn't interfere with that. You still have your instant gratification at a much cheaper price than you'd get with a glue-and-paper book. And since I already have that convenience, I have no reason to upgrade to a heavier, cooler-looking model. Now, if I won an iPad in a raffle, or if someone gave me one for my birthday on June 12th, I wouldn't throw it away or anything. I would be super happy and excited because it's pretty darn awesome. But when I got all tucked in bed at night, I would probably turn on my lamp and reach for my light-weight Kindle.

4 Parts

2010-04-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

Part 1: In which I show you a few more pictures from that ~~Petapalooza thing~~ Kris Allen concert.

I use the word concert loosely. It was really just Kris Allen and his BFF and their guitars. No band. But they sounded really good. His BFF is freakishly hawt (see pic):

But it was a forest of hands and teeth around Kris Allen.

Oh yeah, the BNL played too.

They were entertainment pros. They did this synchronized boy-band dance at the end that looked super hard and complicated. They practiced that a lot at home, I'm sure.

I didn't have a video camera, but here's some audio I recorded on my phone of Kris Allen singing "Man in the Mirror" if you're interested.

K, Part 2: In which I show you the trailer for this new romantic comedy by Steven King:

Part 3: In which I beg for help.

I've been spending days, weeks, months trying to plan the perfect summer family vacay and I'm going crazy, like Jack in The Shining. It's really depressing, searching flights on the Internet for an entire day and coming up with nothing. All that time wasted. Here's some rules:

1) Has to be a place we've never been before (think east of where we live, cuz we've been all over the west)
2) Has to cost no more than $3,000
3) Has to be awesome
4) Has to be exactly like our trip to DC

Part 4: I forgot what I was gonna say. But there was gonna be a part 4, I swear!

Kris(!) Allen(!)

2010-04-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

He just got back from Rowando, you gize.

We got a pet...

2010-04-07T14:33:00.000-07:00

She's a puffer fish, and she only has to live long enough for us to go to Pet-a-Palooza this weekend, which is this big party for pet lovers (I heart Lois). Anyone can go, but if you don't have a pet and you go, you're an idiot.

Lois is so freakin' cute, with her puffy, bespeckled body and tiny disproportionate fins. I wanna squeeze her til she pops!

And look who's gonna be at Pet-a-Palooza:

Everybody loves BKL, yes, but how did Five for Fighting get billed above Kris(!) Allen (!).

Remember when he was on American Idol back when it wasn't super boring?

I wonder if Gityd will be there?

Can't Wait

2010-04-05T07:50:00.000-07:00