Friday, September 30, 2011

staggering genius

Homer is at the age when the things he says can either sound profoundly brilliant or completely ridiculous.

At dinner the other night, he turned to me and said, "Did you know friends are more valuable than gold?" If I said something like that I'd sound like a doof, but coming from a measly 1st grader? Pretty darn profound.

But then, we were watching TV one night and a Halloween commercial came on with Michael Jackson's Thriller playing in the background, and Homer looked at me and said, "Did you know Michael Jackson died from singing that song?" I said, "You can't die from singing a song, Homer." And he said, "You can't die from singing a song?" in this super incredulous tone of voice. I answered with an emphatic, "No," and then added, "Duh," for good measure.

But then I watched the X-Factor and there were some terrible singers on that stage and I wondered... what if you could die from singing a song? Surely, all those singers would be dead. Their audience, too. And maybe, just maybe, this a good idea for a Young Adult dystopian novel. Entitled Swan Song. It sort of sounds familiar so maybe it's already been done.

Speaking of, what do you think of the X-Factor? Is it not exactly like American Idol, but for a few rule changes? The judges are the same, the editing is the same, the theme music is similar. So far, the most significant change is that the judges are now drinking Pepsi instead of Coke. How weird is that?! Who does that? To switch soda preference at their advanced ages... I'm telling you, that is unheard of!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Punching Handballs

Cord hurt his arm/wrist last Thursday in PE. He punched a handball that was flying straight at him "full force!" he said. When I picked him up from the nurse’s office, his eyes were red and he was wiping his cheeks every so often, but that was it. He thought he had sprained his wrist because he couldn't move it. So I got him an ace bandage with a splint. But his "sprained wrist" wasn't getting better; he was waking up in the middle of the night asking for pain medicine. So on Sunday (3 days later), we took him to an Urgent Care to have it X-rayed. Turns out, his arm is broken.

Cord was thrilled (as you can see). He didn't even try to hide it. When the doctor said it was a broken arm, Cord started pumping his fist and saying "YES!! YES!!"

I took him to an orthopedic physician today to get his permanent cast. Turns out, he has two broken bones. The radius is broken straight across, and one of his wrist bones is broken. He chose a green cast so it would clash with his school's dress code. I really liked the doctor. He asked if I was Cord’s sister. I played it cool, but inside I was pumping my fists and saying, "YES! YES!"

But here's the really cool thing. I sent him to school yesterday in the temporary cast (the tan/white one) and I didn’t bother to send a note or anything because I figured it's pretty obvious… he has a broken arm. Well, his PE coach called me that afternoon. He was in disbelief and wanted to confirm that Cord had in fact broken his arm. The coach was like, “I looked at his arm after it happened, but I didn’t really say anything or think much of it, because it looked fine.”

And Cord had shown up to PE the next day with his wrist wrapped in that ace bandage. His coach probably looked at that ace bandage the same way I look at ace bandages: with a heavy dose of skepticism.

The reason the conversation was cool is because while I was on the phone with the PE coach, his opinion of Cord changed. I could hear it in his voice. He went from thinking Cord was this wimpy kid who wore a stupid ace bandage to get out of PE, to thinking Cord is a pretty decent kid. He kept saying, “Wow. I can’t believe it. Don’t worry about his grade, he can help me with some stuff. Wow. His arm was broken that whole time?” And Cord said that while I was on the phone with the coach, Cord had changed into his PE clothes and started running laps, and when his coach saw, he waved him down and made him stop, and Cord was pretty annoyed because what does running have to do with his arm? Because what the coach didn't realize is Cord likes PE. He doesn’t want to fake an injury and sit on the bench.

Isn't it awesome when you find out someone isn't what they seemed to be? It's it awesome when it's your kid, and your kid's PE coach is the one finding out, and you get to hear his voice change over the phone?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

This seems obvious to me

This is the current proposed plan for development of the empty lots surrounding my community (the schools are already there):

Here is my plan:

I just need to find a fax number, then I'm submitting it. Wish me luck (like I need it)!

ALL the kids in school, ALL day

8th grader:

1st grader and 5th grader:

1st day of the rest of my life*:

[Insert picture of me relaxing on my hammock-tramp]

You might notice Cord looks a tad taller and stands slightly awkwarder these days. He has grown roughly 7 inches since last I blogged. His feet have grown 4 sizes, and his voice is that of a man, speaking in a strange falsetto. Ah, puberty!

*I know I said last year was the first day of the rest of my life, but I was wrong. That was actually the first day of my job as a chauffeur and chaperon of endless after-kindergarten play-dates.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Madonna and I have much in common

Hydrangeas? Might as well give me a bouquet of poop! *eyes*

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Turns out, we don't need a new trampoline

Lots of stretchy places to sit:

A taut surface upon which to jump:

And then more relaxing when jumping becomes tiresome:

Hammock-like relaxation:

Friday, September 2, 2011

Back to the Start

This makes me wanna eat more bacon. But that's not the point. The point is, I'm back. And also, I'm downloading The Scientist by Willie Nelson and going to Chipotle for lunch. See ya!