Thursday, February 3, 2011

Hindsight is 20/20

I got a call from the school nurse yesterday. Without preamble, she goes, "Did you know Gus is blind as a bat? He can't see anything on the eye chart."

I was like, "Wha? No, I didn't know." But then my mind flashed back to a pediatrician appointment he had about 18 months ago, where the nurse took him out in the hall to read the eye chart. I remembered him getting a lot of those big letters wrong. I remembered him saying things like "A" instead of "Q," and me having to suppress giggles because that wasn't even close, was he kidding me or what?

The school nurse goes, "He says he's been to the eye doctor before."

I was like, "No, he's probably thinking of a pediatrician appointment he had a while back." And I swear the pediatrician's nurse told me not to panic and take him to the eye doctor right away. Since Gus hadn't been complaining about his eyesight, I should wait until it starts becoming a problem for him. And then I just completely forgot about the whole thing cuz he never said he was having a problem seeing.

Anyhow, to make up for being a total loser mom, I took him straight to an eye doctor after school, who confirmed that Gus is indeed blind as a bat. In fact, he's blinder than a bat since bats aren't actually blind. Well, they're born blind, but then they slowly gain their sight. With humans, it happens in reverse. But this is all besides the point, sheesh!

The eye doctor said that it was unusual for a kid's eyesight to be as bad as Gus's at his first eye exam, because kids usually notice that they can't see when they're at about 20/40 or 20/60 vision. Gus's vision was already at 20/225. Legally blind is 20/200.

Side note:
The rest of us are...
Cord: 20/225
(^^Side note about this side note:
I had Cord retested and he has the same vision as Gus now so they can borrow each others glasses the way sisters borrow each others clothes, except way nerdier.)
Me: 20/500
Tony: 20/1,000+
Homer: bound to be as blind as a new born baby bat

Gus won't get his glasses until next week, so I don't have a picture yet, but the poor lil guy will look something like this:

Sad, huh? I quizzed him down hard after we left the eye doctor.
Me: "Can you see the board at school?"
Him: "No."
Me: "Why didn't say anything before?"
Him: "I don't know."
Me: "Have you ever told your teachers that you can't see the board?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "When?"
Him: "Today."

Next topic. Remember when I explained to you how drama is a sport, because there are like competitions and stuff? Well, Cord performed his "piece" (that's lingo that people in "the bizz" use) at regionals last weekend, and guess what? He made it to state, which is more than we can say for the fictional characters on Glee. Only a-baker's-dozen middle-schoolers made it to state, so basically Cord is a genius at his "craft".

Speaking of geniuses at their crafts, check this out:

PS. I have a small crush on Steven Tyler.


Jana said...

Lollerz!! Why don't you just buy another pair of the twinner glasses for Homer now and save yourself some time. At least your kids hit the jackpot in all other areas of the gene pool

Jana said...

PS all of my kids are doomed's only a matter of time...

Markie23 said...

I have no idea what those number mean but 20/1000+ sounds like Superman vision.
Also, my last vision test was right now when I had to enter the Word Verification. Did I pass?

Memzy said...

The funniest part about this story is hearing in my head the convo with Gus. I can just hear you ask him about seeing the board and being gobsmacked when he answered "no" all calm like.

Gus will be beyond adorable in glasses. It's gonna be an intolerable level of cuteness.

What kind of school secretary says something like that? I hope you're friends with her.

Flem said...

This is a hilarious post, I love it.

Also, me too on S. Tyler.

Carr Family said...

first of all... Jodi Sweetin? that's too funny. I had a similar experience when the school called me about my son's vision. I felt like a real jerk because he had mentioned it before, but I dismissed it thinking he just wanted glasses to be cool like his mom. i've never felt like such a loser mom.

eekareek said...

I love kids in glasses. Also you need to stop letting Homer wear roller skates, it gives me the heeby jeebies.

Emily said...

Ok, that is hilarious!! I love it!

Krissy said...

Just when I thought Gus couldn't get any cuter...even the photoshopped version is adorable.

The first episode I was kinda annoyed by ST, now I really like him tho.

ManicMandee said...

I am very impressed with the extent of your family's blindness. Numbers like that are quite impressive indeed.
Side note...
I have always thought you looked great in glasses. Sometimes I've wished I had bad vision so I could wear some too.
Your boys are gonna all rock their glasses. Watch out girls. Watch out.

Carol said...

You MUST post a picture of the new glasses. He is beyond adorible.