Thursday, September 30, 2010

Two Things

The first thing has to do with chips.

Have you tried these Cheeseburger flavored Doritos?

If not, you must! If only to marvel at how someone could so perfectly capture the essence of a cheeseburger in a chip, including the pickle. It's similar to eating a jelly bean and tasting buttered popcorn. You may not be tempted to indulge in a whole bag of cheeseburger chips, per se, but after you've tried a few, you might be sitting at your computer or walking to your mailbox or petting your cat, and you'll be suddenly compelled to taste another one of those cheeseburger chips.

"I had to have been mistaken earlier," you'll think on your way to the pantry, "because a chip couldn't possibly taste that much like a cheeseburger." But then you'll bite into one of those crisp Doritos, and your senses will be filled up with charbroiled beef, cheese, ketchup and finally... the pickle.
The whole thing is unnerving, really.

Second thing has to do with roller skates.

When Homer gets home from Kindergarten in the afternoon, the first thing he does is strip down to his undies and put on his roller skates. (Roller skating is sweaty business. Thus, the nudity.) He wears roller skates more than shoes these days, and all that nude skating has paid off. He doesn't clunk around on those skates like he did in the beginning, but glides smoothly, his weight lightly shifting from foot to foot.

I'm proud, if you can't tell.

Anyway, Homer went with me to pick up Gus from Drama yesterday. He jumped in the car (fully dressed) with his roller skates on, which was no biggie since we weren't going inside. When we got to the school, I parked at the end of a long line of cars. And that's when I came up with a fun idea: let Homer skate up the sidewalk to get Gus.

He was game, giddy in fact. I did feel a quick stab of embarrassment on his behalf, since he'd look like a total nerd, but he's only five, so who cares.

Homer schlepped out of the car, and maneuvered carefully out of the gutter and up onto the sidewalk. As I watched him slowly trudge up the sidewalk on his skates, it occurred to me that the sidewalk was on a rather steep hill, and eventually he'd have to skate down that steep hill.

Well, "eventually" came. I spotted Homer picking up speed as he got closer and closer to the car. There was definitely panic in his expression, and I was feeling it too. I knew there was no way I could jump out of the car, run around to the sidewalk, and catch him in time. I would be chasing him down that hill for sure. But before I could make a move, his direction changed. His focus had shifted to a big bush off to the side, about as tall as he was with his skates on. Full-speed, his arms outstretched as wide as he could get 'em, he charged that bush and dive-bombed right into it, bear-hug style. Hil-air-ious!!! He definitely heard my laugher from inside the car, and after he sprang back from the bush and steadied himself, he gave me a triumphant grin that said, "See how skillfully I got out of that one?"

Yeah, he's pretty good on those skates.

Right-Side note: It feels like "roller skates" should be one word, yeah?


Memzy said...

I would ltrly keel to have a video of this event!! And on a middle/left-side note: my 9 yr old can't even rollerskate. I think there is a gene of some sort missing there. A chromosomal defect of some kind.

Memzy said...

I thought I'd come clean and admit to you that my double commenting always comes because my computer refuses to keep me signed in to blogger. And there is no little box to click the follow up comments in that situation.

eekareek said...

Two things. First, I hate Doritos. Doesn't matter the flavor. Only like plain corn chips but I am curious so maybe you could buy some and I will eat just one.
Secondly, does no one learn from my mistakes??? Don't roller skate!

Heather's Blog said...

Ha ha ha. That's hilarious. I would have paid money to see that and have a good laugh. I feel like I need to laugh more. Ok. Obviously, you read a lot -- I got that from all the big words you use. You are a writer! I miss having you close by. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of laughter.

Emily said...

Are you serious about those chips? I can't help but cringe just a little bit.

And, I agree I would LOVE to see a video of the roller skating!

Krissy said...

first, those cheeseburger chips are nastified. I have tried them and me no likey!

second, your boys are hilarious. Both stories of Cord and Homer had me laughing.

Landee said...

A) Since I order my cheeseburgers "ketchup only" that tang of pickle AND mustard is disgusting. I had my first one at girls camp and it only recommitted me to my borderline religious belief in Ketchup Only All The Way (::said like double rainbow guy::)

2) Some 5 years ago someone was inspired to plant a soft-ish bush in that exact spot so Homer would not become disfigured beyond recognition and thus go on to serve a mission, get married and become an apostle. Just you wait. I'll be hearing about this in a conference talk someday.

Carol said...

Thanks for the really good laugh. I LOVED Homer's skate story. LOVED it. I've read it 3 times already just so I could laugh again. He's priceless.

Katie said...

Just for you, I'll try Cheeseburger Doritos. And just for Homer, I'll try roller skating in my undies.

Carr Family said...

That is a seriously awesome roller skating story:)