Thursday, March 11, 2010

American Idol Exclusive

Not really an exclusive, per se, since it's all over the Internet, but the top 12 boy/girl contestants will be singing music from the Rolling Stones next week.

Which means that unless Katelyn Epperly gets the boot tonight, we'll most likely have to hear her play (I can't get no) Satisfaction on her keyboard.

Gross, huh?

Here are a few more stabs in the dark with my eyes closed:

If Lilly gets her first pick, she's gonna sing Paint It Black.
Really super slow, in her creepy possessed voice, with smoky eye makeup and feather earrings.

I certainly hope that lil orphan Aaron is not there next week, but if he is, he's gonna sing a slow, heartfelt rendition of Honky Tonk Women.

Mullet should sing Wild Horses*, but people with diabetes get first pick, so Dirty Teeth will snag that song. And she'll break away from the mic mid song and play her headgear harmonica with her eyes closed.

DiDi will sing Jumpin' Jack Flash, cuz it's without a doubt the wrong song choice for her. Followed by tears, of either sadness or joy.

Shebang will sing Start Me Up, she'll wear suspenders, and she won't change the part that goes, "you make a grown man cry," cuz she's singing it about herself, making her dad cry.

Casey will look in his box, and then sing Gimme Shelter, including the entire 1 minute guitar solo intro.

Tim Urban will sing an upbeat version of Sympathy for the Devil, with a grin on his face and twinkle in his eye.

Big Mike will sing Miss You, to show his high range.

Todricky (if he survives this cut) will sing the phone book.

Andy Garcia will sing Toxic, by Britney Spears.

Results show group performance will be an a Capella lip-sync of You Can't Always Get what You Want.

What else? I'm out of songs.

Wait, Katie (if she's there) will sing Get Off of my Cloud, dedicated to her grandma who's been stealing the spotlight from her since day one.

K, what else? Who am I missing?

*Srsly, half the contestants should sing this song. There's not much variety amongst them this year.


Markie23 said...

I think this coulda been RodToddRicky's big week, if he wasn't gonna be gone. I can totally see him sticking his lips and elbows out and strutting around the stage like Mick.

Landee said...

Oh no. I'm not a huge fan of the Stones that Roll. Great. But your picks of their songs sound perfect. You want me to tweet them and let them know? I'm sure they're taking requests.

PS I would give anything to hear an Andyfied version of Toxic.

Katie said...

Fantastic list. But if you’re right, Kara will be SO disappointed. She wants someone to sing Anybody Seen my Baby so she can pretend to weep again over her empty womb.

eekareek said...

Andy's next song will be "I touch myself" by The Divinyls. Then you will really cringe.

P.S. If you ever want to know what the name of the band who sings "I touch myself" is, DO NOT GOOGLE IT!!!!!

Emily said...

All I can say is what was Katelyn thinking?! I'll be surprised if she's still around after tonight.

If the kid who sang that Lonestar song is still around I'm deleted the show off my DVR list.

Erin Beck said...

The Vaginals Sara right? Thanks for wrapping that all up for me Jenny, now I don't have to suffer through another week of listening to crap music.

Memzy said...

OMGeeeee! We have to hear Andy sing Toxic!!!!!

Annie said...

I'm so impressed you know so much about the R.S. Me nt like them so much. Maybe Top 12 can change that. Still mourning Mullet :(

Kim said...

Did you just start this comedy blog? Way funnier than Landees. How do I switch my subscription? If Andy does Toxic I will be happy for like a week. Even tho I srsly thought he was gonzoes.

Krissy said...

Reading your AI posts are much more entertaining than watching the actual show. you're funny.
did u see the look of shock on lilly's face when she got booted?