Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Me, my blog, and other things that bring dishonor to my family...

The other day, I got an unexpected phone call from Professional Plummer* (aka, Cord's old scout leader and overall nicest/friendliest person this side of the Rio Grand, second only to his wife).

Here's a reenactment of that rather embarrassing phone call:

PHONE: "bring bring, bring bring"

::diving across my bed to grab phone from nightstand::

ME: "Hello?"<--said in srs adult-like manner after catching breath

PLUMMER: "Hey Jenny, how's it going?"

ME: "Fine, how are you?"

PLUMMER: "Good."

ME: "Oh! Is this Mike?"<--said like I just figured it out, even though I knew who it was before I answered, on account of me checking my caller ID so I could make an informed decision before answering.

PLUMMER: "Yeah. So I hear you're having problems with your toilet?"

ME: "Wha...? I mean, where did you...? How did you...?"<--said like Bella in that one hospital scene at the end of Twilight, as I turned bright red and realized that the only place I've mentioned my running toilet problem is on my immature/slightly irreverent blog in that ridiculous post in which I photo-shopped myself, a Diet Coke, and two little cockroaches into a picture of my toilet.

PLUMMER: "Laura (aka, my wife) read it on your blog..."

::my blush, deepening::

Professional Plummer then offers to come over and take a look at Offending Toilet, and I humbly accept offer, despite my mounting embarrassment, because Tony and I had just discovered that Offending Toilet is not only running, but also leaking, and that crazy leaking junk is over my head. Then, whilst Plummer asks how my summer is going etc, and I inquire about Plummer's new house etc, I frantically go through each my recent blog posts in my mind, judging my level of taste/maturity. By the time I hang up, my face is as hot as a light bulb. A real light bulb, not those global warming light bulbs.

That night, as I blanketed my mildewy bathroom in Scrubbing Bubbles to prepare for Plummer's arrival the next day, I couldn't seem to shake my embarrassment.

I guess I've always operated under the assumption that only "You Gize" read my blog. Meaning, I'm aware of all friends, family, and acquaintances who come 'round here. For the most part, I still think I have a good grasp on just who reads this--all five or six of you--but discovering a seventh made me think: What if other Decent Folks have seen my Indecent Blog? Am I unknowingly making a bad impression on people? Do they think I'm a total groovy nerd?

These questions continued to worry me as I scraped dried-on toothpaste off the bathroom counter tops with a butter knife, and shoved makeup and toothbrushes and batteries and matchbox cars into the drawers.

I started to think that maybe I should censor what I write on this blog. Give more consideration to who might stumble upon it, and try to make a better impression on these Stumblers. Go from totally geek, to totally chic.

Now, don't panic. By the time I finished hazmatting my bathroom, I came to my senses about the whole thing. There is no way I could pull off the whole "chic" thing. Let's face it, I'm no Cindy Mancini. So I guess I'm going to have to go on being the type of person who would spend hours photo-shopping cockroaches and Diet Cokes into pictures just to get a cheap laugh out of You Gize. And though I may embarrass myself from time to time, at least I won't be talking to Patty on your side of the cafeteria. (<--totally lost my train of thought right there, so I just wrote that).

Anyway, back to my Offending Toilet... Plummer came over yesterday with a fancy bucket that had its own tool belt and checked out the toilet. He fixed the leak in 1.5 minutes. (But I do believe I played an instrumental part in fixing the leak, as twas I who handed him the screwdriver.) Now, it turns out, that the reason I couldn't stop the toilet from running using my usual tricks, is because that little tower of terror inside the tank needs to be replaced.

Ah! Good news! As this means I have not necessarily lost my knack for fixing running toilets. Plummer offered to replace it for me after I run-get the part, but think I'm going to try to do it myself, just so I can brag about it afterward. He did give me step by step instructions. And if I screw up and accidentally brake a waterline or something, he said he'll come back and bring his fancy bucket.

Good friends, the Plummer and his wife. Good, decent folk.

*according to spell check, "plummer" should be spelled "plumber." Cha-right.

19 comments:

Markie23 said...

Whew, that was a close one. I'm so glad you aren't going to change your blog because this is where I come for totally groovy nerdness.

Crysty said...

This is H I L A R I O U S!!! And for what it's worth (not much) I loved the photoshopped toilet/diet coke/cockroach photo! I can't wait to hear if you fix it yourself, or if he has to come back with his bucket that has it's own toolbelt. Bwaahhaaa.

Jana said...

I'm with you...sometimes I ponder about the unknown folk perusing my blog, but then I say AH well.
And I totally thought you were a groovy nerd when I started reading your blog, and then I met you and realized you are a groovy nerd.

ManicMandee said...

Now I'm questioning my commenting on your blog. I think I trashed plumbers? I'll have to go back and check. They ARE expensive though!!!! I do like your plumber now. He earned my respect and admiration. I hope his wife is reading and passes it along.

Emily said...

I faithfully read your blog, but you probably didn't know that because I'm one of those people who's too lazy to click on the link from google reader to actually leave comments. But I am in no way decent, so your fears do not apply to me. So I probably didn't need to temporarily subvert my lazy tendencies to make this comment. But I wanted you to know that I respect the time and effort that goes into such things as photoshopping cockroaches and diet cokes, so you can be assured that you get more than a cheap laugh from me. you earned a nordstrom laugh.

Mary said...

I'm so glad that your plumber friend's wife read your blog so that she would let her husband know, so that he would come and fix it, so that you would feel a need to clean your bathroom, so that none of my darling grandsons would catch a terrible disease from any germs that may have been lurking in there.

Hot Pants said...

I have batteries all over my bathroom counter too! I don't know why or how they always end up there. It's like Dwight and Tony are related.<--Cuz I would never leave a battery on the counter.

Tom said...

Can't but me love, right?

Jenny ESP said...

Can't but me love? Tom, take a look at forehead... do you see a sign that says information?

Landee said...

When you spell it like that, it makes me think you are talking to Christopher Plummer... you know, the dad on Sound of Music. So I can't quite make sense of this story cuz why is Christopher Plummer's wife reading your blog, you know? And I can't imagine Captain Von Trapp having a tool-belted bucket.

Let us know who the replacing of the tower goes. It sounds complicated (::just finished installing a garage door opener::). Reeeeeal complicated.

Landee said...

HOW it goes... not who it goes. kthanksbye.

Jenny ESP said...

You know what else is complicated? Spelling how.

Landee said...

Plummer.

Jenny ESP said...

Now you're gettin' it.

Laura said...

This is the "plummers" wife...
I totally love your blog, and please do not change it a bit. And you have brought no dishonor to your family, silly :-)). You and Anthony have helped out so many times with all of the scout stuff. Remember poor Anthony had to spend over 5 hours with me and the whole den at the Bass Pro Shop? We totally owe you guys. Hey, and I thought we were some of the guyzz, or however groovy chic nerds spell it??? :-)))

Memzy said...

Blogger ate my comment that I put yesterday right after Markie.

WTF?

Mmmmkay. So I ran into this problem about a year ago. And I just decided that I would PRETEND that the bish's wife and the RS secretary were NOT in fact reading my blog about poo and using the word "shiz" and my failures as a mom. Denial is a very powerful thing. Kinda like a big strong river somewhere.

eekareek said...

ME Blogger. ME hungry for Memzy comment.

Emily said...

HEEFREAKINLARIOUS!!!

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