So, when I left off, Jeremy was interviewing me for the position as his wife for all eternity, dumping me, changing his mind, and expecting me to be his girlfriend again come sunrise, no questions asked... and I was obliging him. And only eating plain oatmeal and licorice.
Even though I would never admit it, I was feeling pretty bad about myself at the time.
Cause if I had admitted it, I'd look pretty pathetic, right? And that would only add to the humiliation of it all. So I acted like it was no big deal. I never cried when he broke up with me (till the end); most of the time, I wouldn't even mention it to my friends or family, and by the morning, we'd be a couple again, no harm done.
For all outward appearances, I was a positive, happy, accepting, go-with-the-flo
I have since realized it was never really about me. It was all about Jeremy. I was just a player in the video game called The Legend of Jeremy Cla. I kept dying, but then he'd give me an extra life. It was only a matter of time before it was... GAME OVER.
Anyway, when we hung out at Jeremy's place, we'd stay in the "living spaces"--I never went back to his room. He could have had a huge Andy Warhol of himself plastered all over the wall and I wouldn't have even known. (<--that was a mean spirited jab).
But my point is, one day, I followed one of Jeremy's roommates (he had three, I've only mentioned Wade so far) into uncharted territory when he insisted on taking me down the hall into his room to show me his giant jar of change (the guy was a total flirt--Amy can confirm).
Awkwardness, awkwardness, awkwardness 'cause he's flirting with me, and I start faking interest in all the pictures lining the hallway. They're all Wade's pictures (it was his house, remember), and one in particular catches my eye.
I'm like, "Who's that?" to Brian (that's his flirty roommate), and he moves closer than necessary to see the picture, and then tells me, "That's Wade's little brother. He's in Brazil on a mission."
I'm thinking, Ol'e (that's Portuguese for oo-la-la).
Brian breathes purposely close to my ear to give me chills and tells me something about how he mixes several colognes together in order to arrive at a scent that no woman has ever smelled on a man, but I only have eyes for Wade's little brother.
From that day on, every time I go to Jeremy's, I make a point to never be alone with Brian, but I also make a point to look at Wade's little brother who was on a mission. I look forward to it. I can't leave his house without looking at him. It's like when you see a car with only one headlight and you have to hit the roof of your car, or see a VW Bug and you have to call "slug bug" and punch whoever is next to you. It was like that. I had to look at his picture. Jinx. Buy me a Diet Coke.
Now, if you're clever (and I know you are), you've probably guessed by now that Wade's little brother is Anthony, and you've probably realized that I eventually married Anthony. I'm not saying that I knew at that moment, when I was gazing at his picture on the wall, that I would marry Anthony someday. I'm just saying that he caught my attention, and I had to look at his picture. Jinx. Buy me a Diet Coke.
Now's the part when Jeremy breaks up with me for the last time.
That night, we had gone out with one of my BFFs, Heather (<--total spaz, had some of the best times of my life with her), and, though he liked Heather, I could tell he wasn't feeling us that night, if you know what I mean.
When he took me home, we got out of his car, started walking up to the front door, and he stopped me on the driveway. He shoved his hands in his back pockets and had this apologetic look on his face. I knew it was coming, and my stomach had that familiar sick feeling.
He says, "Today, in one of my classes, this girl asked me if I had I girlfriend."
I'm like, "What did you say," feeling horrible, knowing it's coming...
He assures me, "I was honest with her. I told her that I do have a girlfriend," he hesitates then says, "but I wanted to tell her that I didn't."
"Oh," I say, and my stomach hurt.
"So, I think we should break up," he says. "The fact that I wanted to say that I didn't have a girlfriend, makes me think that we aren't right for each other."
"OK," I say brightly, "No, don't apologize; you're right. It's all right. Don't feel bad. Thanks for telling me, blah, blah, blah..."
And then I give him a big hug and wish him luck!
Inside, I was a horrible wreck. It was just too much.
I threw myself down on the landing of our staircase and cried. But I didn't cry for Jeremy. Promise. I didn't love him, I didn't want to marry him (could you imagine?), but he did have the uncanny ability to make me feel bad about myself. Just like Wayne and Garth, I was not worthy of him.
But this time, I vowed I would not take him back if he called in the morning... he didn't.
I knew he wouldn't this time. He had specifically mentioned that there was another girl he wanted to date.
I wonder if this is how he broke up with Angela. Something like, "Hey, there's this adorable little 17-year-old high school girl that I work with at Subway, and I want to ask her out, and the fact that I want to ask her out makes me think that maybe we aren't right for each other."
I mean, technically, Jeremy was doing the right thing. How noble. He wasn't a cheater. He broke up with me instead of sneaking around behind my back... but, truthfully, I expect nothing less. I don't give out awards for NOT cheating. He didn't have to give me the cold, hard facts about why he was dumping me, but it sure made him feel better about the whole thing.
Anyway, I bounced back from Jeremy relatively fast, because I chose to. Not that I didn't feel hurt or anger towards him from time to time (like right now), but I didn't want to feel that way, so I would chose to let it all go (like right now). We stayed friendly; I even went to his wedding, which was shortly after. No, he didn't marry that girl from his class, or Angela, just another girl that he met a few months later.
After we broke up for the last time, I went to tons of singles stuff with Heather and had the most fun. I dated a lot, played the field... this is where I got my rep as a playa ya'll, 'sup?
At the very end of the year, December 1995, I went to a singles dance with Heather. I'm doing the Macarena across the dance floor, and, suddenly, I see HIM. Yes, HIM. The guy from the picture that I used to stare at all the time. His skin was tanned and his hair sun bleached, as if he had just come home from Brazil or something.
Heather and I were introduced to him by our mutual friend, Shane, and I was all nervous and said something stupid like, "I know you." And he was like, "You do?" and looked right through me, not the least bit interested in me or what I was saying. But I kept saying stupid stuff anyway, like, "Is your brother Wade? I think I've seen your picture." And he is SO not interested.
Still, when the night was over, I was all fluttery and excited and couldn't wait to see him again, and Heather and I get in the car to leave, and before my door is closed, Heather said, "I like Anthony." My heart sunk. I was like, "Really? You do?" with his frozen smile plastered on my face. Her answer was an emphatic, "Yes."
The whole ride home, I debated about whether or not I should tell her that I liked him too, but, in the end, I didn't say anything.
I had a huge crush on Anthony from the moment I met him, but, as you've probably guessed, it was a LONG road before we even started dating. I'll have to tell you about it sometime. ;)
Two final notes about Jeremy then I'm done.
First, when Anthony and I got engaged, he brought me a gift (the gift was really a loan, and he made me promise to return it when I was done reading it). It was a book entitled Sacred Intimacy, that talks about how to properly make-love and please your spouse and junk like that.
Second, I ran into him before we moved to Las Vegas. I had Cord with me, who was one-year-old at the time, and Jeremy had his 3 sons, under the age of 3, with him.
His oldest son was named Jeremy. Go figure.