Sunday, September 28, 2008

Smart Remarks: The Host

I'm writing this all stressed out because I'd look pretty stupid if I didn't finish reading the stupid book in time to play along, after nagging everyone else to participate.
But I finally finished it. Phew. Humans have some sick ways of torture, and arguably one of the cruelest forms is being made to read The Host.

Naw, it wasn't that bad. But it was one seriously long book, and I can't figure out why. Not much conflict in those 619 pages. Lots of day to day cave dwelling stuff in there.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. First of all, Edward is not in this book. That was probably my #1 complaint. Any other complaint pales in comparison, but here we go...

I've decided that nothing is more irritating than a self righteous alien. Wanda's disgust with human violence grated on my nerves, and her little knee-knocking "Scooby-Do" hide in a hole and "keen" act, really fueled my irritation. Look lady, you came to Earth and committed mass-murder on an unprecedented scale, yet your peaceful sensiblities make you swoon at the sight of a gun?

Pg212, Wanda wrinkles her nose and thinks, "Torture. No, that was the humans' specialty."

Left unsaid, looking down her nose at the violent humans, "We merely specialize in mass-murder of entire species."

Wanda was constantly noting all the horrible human flaws, like jealousy, anger, rage, sarcasm (huh?), lying, etc, all while reveling in how peaceful and loving her species is, but I have to say, mass-murder of entire populations pretty much trumps any human sin.(<--see you in outer darkness) And what was her speicies' nobel cause? Well, when asked why they take over planets, Wanda replied, "For the experience." Wow. Really, Wanda? You gize ARE peaceful. She kept justifying the mass-murder (I'm calling it what it is, here) by claiming that humans are a horrible and violent species. But surely once their souls started entering human hosts, they would find out that most humans are good, loving people, with family and friends, and they would conclude that what they are doing is wrong. I feel bad writing this because if Wanda reads it, she'll start wailing, keening, gnashing her teeth, murmuring, hissing, grinding out words, crying, bawling, rocking back and forth, and fitting her body into uncomfortable sleeping positions.

OK, on to the names.

Wanderer. A wanderer is someone who moves about aimlessly, without a purpose or a goal. The name fit her perfectly.

The Seeker. That's the person who goes after the quaffle. Or is it the golden snitch?

Calling. We must always accept the Calling we are given, even if it's nursery leader.

There were a lot of things that made me go, "huh?" Here's a few.

Wanda was so against violence she refused to even defend herself, yet out of the blue, she tells this story about violently attacking a Claw Beast in Bearland with her bear hands.

She didn't know how to heal people (which involved the complicated process of spraying the infected area with aerosol spray and Listerine Cool Mint Pocket Strips) but she could extract an alien.

When she was extracting the Seeker soul, someone asked how the cryotank worked, and she answered with a sigh, "I knew the answer when I was a spider. I don't understand it now." Mmm. Yeah. Good cover S. Meyer. I'm actually relieved she didn't try to explain it to us.

OK, now the good stuff.

There were some good characters in the book. It's a shame the main character wasn't one of them, but still, there were some good ones. S. Meyer is brilliant at developing relationships between her characters, and also freaky love tirangles/rectangles. She really knows how to make the reader blush. (even though nothing will ever compare to he-who-shall-not-be-named)

I loved how she manged to create a situation where it was necessary to parade different men in the room for Wanda to pasionately kiss.

This is where I made my first "margine prediction."

It was after Wanda stopped hearing Mel, and Ian tried to kiss Wanda to bring back Mel, and when that didn't work, he brough Jared in to kiss Wanda, and here's what I thought would happen if that didn't work:



If you can't read it, it says: "Send in Uncle Jeb. A kiss from him will snap her out of it."

OK, I have to go to a scout meeting. I might add more later. Be back in an hour...


30 comments:

Cristin said...

You think Jeb would pull her out??? Really???

So what your saying is...you don't like the book?

I like it because I would probably go into that much detail if I were to write a book but it wouldn't be that good....which I guess is pretty bad. But I still liked it.

Amanda said...

If you wrote a book half as interesting as your reviews, I would pay full Borders Books price without hesitation to throw that wad of cash down.

Memzy said...

True DAT!!^^

I see you saw some inspiration in your book just like Landee did. I mean, a nursery calling IS a calling soo....

Amy Thurston said...

Funny you mentioned the Nursery Calling, cause that is totally what I was thinking when I read that name. I wonder what Steph's calling is in her ward. I bet she makes it to Sunday school and never hangs out in the hallway with the other ladies in the ward. She knows way too much.

Amy Thurston said...

Wanda is super self righteous. I bet she would totally hang out in the hallway.

Landee said...

I think that'd be a sweet plea in a murder case... "For the experience." Sounds legit to me.

Yes, yes & yes. You hit everything right on the head down to the last flank. There did come a point, however, that I was like "Geez, we humans are despicable. I'm going to start praying for an alien invasion." So Steph got me there...for like a minute.

I did not enjoy the description of the extraction process, btw. Anytime you "massage" something I gag a little.

abutler said...

Don't be mad at me. I totally tried, it's just that I totally suck at things like this (being book reviews). I think it all goes back to the old school days when I had to write book reports about books I said I read but I really didn't then I had to make the whole thing up. But it's not that I didn't read the book, because I did it's just that it feels like a book report to me and well, I stink! I did throw a plug in for your blog. Cause you don't stink at all. So even though I made a big fuss about being left out of the last Smart Remarks, I'm totally okay with it now. Thanks Jenny, you're the best.

Peter Priesthood said...

Isn't the word flank most commonly used to describe a cut of beef. Or a military manuver. I am confused by the over use.

Memzy said...

Flank....


Flinch....

Krissy and Jason said...

First of all, your review of the book was much more interesting to read than the book itself...you have got some SERIOUS talent!

I do have to say that i liked the book. It wasn't the best book I've ever read (because it was missing a certain someone) but i did like it. I think a lot of this is due to the fact that i read The Host before Breaking Dawn. If i would have read it after, i think i would have been a little more dissapointed. The entire book i really only cared about Jared and Melanie getting their "happy ever after". I really can't stand the name Wanda and Ian was always creepy to me. I had a hard time believing that he would still be in love with "the worm" even without her human body, but whatever.

By the way, i am glad that you and Jana are becoming such great friends!

ajesplin said...

K, gize, I can't believe her self-righteous attitude didn't bother anybody but me. I realize that some humans are evil (cuz of Jesus' plan, y'all) but how would that justify killing the other 99% of the population? She totally freaked out when she saw the dead alien in the makeshift hospital and started pointing her finger and yelling "monsters" like Sissy Spacek's mom in the movie Carrie, but there was a dead human body lying on the table who HER species had killed way before. She kept saying lame things like, "we kill painlessly," as if that makes it all right. I was rolling my eyes like crazy. She didn't even know the alien personally, and yet here's all these humans who had lost almost everyone they knew, including close family members and friends, and she's walking around with a halo on her head? That makes me grimace.

ajesplin said...

are you gize in bed? sleeping in a punishing small space that makes the small of your back ache, perhaps? sigh.

ajesplin said...

And the aliens attacked us. Anything we do back is self defense, duh. Are you gize in bed?

Amy Thurston said...

I was busy being "domestic".

I totally agree with the whole self-righteous thing. It was majorly annoying. Almost as annoying as her martyrdom. I skimmed through the part where the nobody alien was killed while they were trying to find a way to save the human race. It was a stupid topic she picked. She should just go back to the things she knows, Vampires and Werewolves.

ajesplin said...

offensive = bad gize
defense = good gize

Especially since their reasons for invading were purely educational. They didn't even want our oil or nothing.

Amy Thurston said...

So much for intelligent life out there.

Amy Thurston said...

They were so boring, no personality. They should have just stayed with the bats. Or was it polar bears? Or Flowers?

ajesplin said...

And that part when she had to carry the gun and she wouldn't wrap her fingers around it, only hold it open-handed? Wormlady! You just committed human genocide. I think you're the violent one. SRSLY, grow a conscience.

ajesplin said...

Seaweed land.

Sam, Shel & Co said...

I never got a copy of this to read...and now I think I'm glad I didn't. I have so little leisure reading time that it would have ticked me off to hate it. Or to even not love it.

Cristin said...

yeah, I went to bed early...so I could read. I'm soooo done with The Host. when are we going to pick a new book?

Markie23 said...

Yes I was very annoyed by the self-righteous Wanda as well. S.M. seems to have a knack for whiny heroines.
I think the story may have worked better if there was only one alien who was traveling the galaxy, inhabiting creatures one at a time, to gain experience and knowledge, to one day become an omniscient supreme being; and on this stop she happened to inhabit Mel's body.
Then there wouldn't have been all this hiding in a desert cave for months, and she could have focused more on just what it is to be human, develop relationships, experience human emotions like love, jealousy, etc.; without getting muddled in genocide, resistance movements, captures, escapes, and other body-snatcher type stuff which she really did a pretty poor job of.

Landee said...

Who was going to cut open the necks and insert the worms though, Markie? There are logistics here you haven't quite thought through.

Markie23 said...

Ok, so she wouldn't be inserted in through the neck. Instead she would land in the ocean, swim up the sewer pipes, come out your bathtub drain, and enter... wait, let's just stop right there.

Landee said...

OR they could come as snakes and hide out in porta-pottys. At least we know Sara would never become a Host.

Jenny said...

I'm writing this all stressed out because I'd look pretty stupid if I didn't finish reading the stupid book in time to play along, after nagging everyone else to participate.
But I finally finished it. Phew. Humans have some sick ways of torture, and arguably one of the cruelest forms is being made to read The Host.

Naw, it wasn't that bad. But it was one seriously long book, and I can't figure out why. Not much conflict in those 619 pages. Lots of day to day cave dwelling stuff in there.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. First of all, Edward is not in this book. That was probably my #1 complaint. Any other complaint pales in comparison, but here we go...

I've decided that nothing is more irritating than a self righteous alien. Wanda's disgust with human violence grated on my nerves, and her little knee-knocking "Scooby-Do" hide in a hole and "keen" act, really fueled my irritation. Look lady, you came to Earth and committed mass-murder on an unprecedented scale, yet your peaceful sensiblities make you swoon at the sight of a gun?

Pg212, Wanda wrinkles her nose and thinks, "Torture. No, that was the humans' specialty."

Left unsaid, looking down her nose at the violent humans, "We merely specialize in mass-murder of entire species."

Wanda was constantly noting all the horrible human flaws, like jealousy, anger, rage, sarcasm (huh?), lying, etc, all while reveling in how peaceful and loving her species is, but I have to say, mass-murder of entire populations pretty much trumps any human sin.(<--see you in outer darkness) And what was her speicies' nobel cause? Well, when asked why they take over planets, Wanda replied, "For the experience." Wow. Really, Wanda? You gize ARE peaceful. She kept justifying the mass-murder (I'm calling it what it is, here) by claiming that humans are a horrible and violent species. But surely once their souls started entering human hosts, they would find out that most humans are good, loving people, with family and friends, and they would conclude that what they are doing is wrong. I feel bad writing this because if Wanda reads it, she'll start wailing, keening, gnashing her teeth, murmuring, hissing, grinding out words, crying, bawling, rocking back and forth, and fitting her body into uncomfortable sleeping positions.

OK, on to the names.

Wanderer. A wanderer is someone who moves about aimlessly, without a purpose or a goal. The name fit her perfectly.

The Seeker. That's the person who goes after the quaffle. Or is it the golden snitch?

Calling. We must always accept the Calling we are given, even if it's nursery leader.

There were a lot of things that made me go, "huh?" Here's a few.

Wanda was so against violence she refused to even defend herself, yet out of the blue, she tells this story about violently attacking a Claw Beast in Bearland with her bear hands.

She didn't know how to heal people (which involved the complicated process of spraying the infected area with aerosol spray and Listerine Cool Mint Pocket Strips) but she could extract an alien.

When she was extracting the Seeker soul, someone asked how the cryotank worked, and she answered with a sigh, "I knew the answer when I was a spider. I don't understand it now." Mmm. Yeah. Good cover S. Meyer. I'm actually relieved she didn't try to explain it to us.

OK, now the good stuff.

There were some good characters in the book. It's a shame the main character wasn't one of them, but still, there were some good ones. S. Meyer is brilliant at developing relationships between her characters, and also freaky love tirangles/rectangles. She really knows how to make the reader blush. (even though nothing will ever compare to he-who-shall-not-be-named)

I loved how she manged to create a situation where it was necessary to parade different men in the room for Wanda to pasionately kiss.

This is where I made my first "margine prediction."

It was after Wanda stopped hearing Mel, and Ian tried to kiss Wanda to bring back Mel, and when that didn't work, he brough Jared in to kiss Wanda, and here's what I thought would happen if that didn't work:



If you can't read it, it says: "Send in Uncle Jeb. A kiss from him will snap her out of it."

OK, I have to go to a scout meeting. I might add more later. Be back in an hour...

Amy Thurston said...

That Ahab is too crazy.

Amy Thurston said...

He tricked me into re-reading your post.

Memzy said...

This book club has REALLY taken off. Have I mentioned that?

::patting Jenny on back::

ajesplin said...

jenny, I have proof that you plagiarized that comment.