Thursday, July 17, 2008

Part Three: D&TT

*As the title suggests, this is a continuation of the two previous posts, so read those first, or you’ll be like, “Who’s this Jeremy Cla character?”

So, the next day, Jeremy Cla calls and asks if I want to go hang out with his group of (snooze-fest) friends, and I say, “totally.” A few people are meeting at his house, and then driving out to some lake, or park or something to have a bonfire/picnic. By the time I get to his house, some of his friends are already there, and Jeremy meets me out by my car (presumably to talk privately).

The first thing he says to me is, “So was that your first kiss?”

Caught off guard, I’m like, “Cha-right.” (Which is 90s talk for “No!”)

And he’s like, “I talked to Wade (his roommate) about it, and he said it was probably your first kiss.”

(OK, this happened a long time ago, but the same indignation is bubbling up inside me as I write this. I need a Diet Coke...)

I'm back.

He was wrong on so many levels.

First, the night before, his clumsy attempt to shake off our “third wheel,” made me feel like he wanted me to leave ASAP, not that he wanted to kiss me.

Second, his sideways hug, pinning me in place, and firm, poorly executed kiss, didn’t give me anything to work with, even if it had been my first kiss (which it hadn’t). I got better, tenderer kisses from the back-of-my-hand than that kiss he gave me. The back-of-my-hand was a gentleman. (OK, now I’m just being silly)

Third, I gave him to the count of five to redo the kiss, and he did nothing.

Fourth, he discussed it with his roommate?!? And, because it couldn’t possibly be Jeremy’s fault that the kiss was bad, they chalked the whole thing up to my inexperience…

The ego has landed.

At the time, I didn’t have the skills to communicate any of the above to him, so instead, I just kept insisting over and over that it wasn’t my first kiss (which was irrelevant), and in response, Jeremy gave me an indulgent, fatherly grin and rustled the hair on the top of my head, or something like that.

Gag me.

I was always a bit awkward around his roommate, Wade, but after that, I felt like a galactic hovercraft around him, if you know what I mean. Jeremy had a lot of admiration for Wade. They often had deep conversations about life, marriage, my kissing ability, etc. I felt like I needed to make a good impression on Wade, the way I’d need to make a good impression on Jeremy’s dad. Instead, I got a “disapproving father” vibe from Wade. I don’t know what he really thought of me back then. Maybe I’ll ask him someday.

Anyway, we gather up some junk from his house, like blankets and food and junk, and drive out to wherever we’re going, and I’m still peeved at Jeremy, but whatever. As we’re walking towards his group of friends, carrying junk, Jeremy leans down to tell me, “By the way, Angela’s going to be here.” (That’s his ex-girlfriend, in case you didn’t remember).

Now, I’m not the jealous type, so this doesn’t phase me, but then he proceeds to tell me that there was all this drama behind-the-scenes of this little picnic/get-together that I didn’t know about.

You see, Jeremy and Angela had the same friends. Jeremy had pretty much dumped Angela out of the blue (around the time I graduated from high school, if you get my drift), and she was still goo-goo-ga-ga for him. For those reasons, his friends didn't think it was a good idea for Jeremy to bring his new girlfriend to the picnic. But, Jeremy really wanted to go hang out with his old gang, and he couldn't go without me , so "please could he go and bring me?" And, "I think it will be good for Angela to see I've moved on and so can she."

Yeah, frankly, I agreed with his friends and would have rather not gone. Even I knew it was insensitive of him to bring me along at that point, and I really didn't care if I went to his friend's picnic anyway.

It's not that Jeremy was a jerk or anything, just kind-of unaware, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, Angela goes out of her way to be friendly and engaging toward me, but her reasons are painfully obvious, and it doesn't last long. No one else really talks to me all. I don't blame them; they couldn't very well go out of their way to be friendly to me without looking like a bunch of jerks. Still, it was horrible for me, and it lasted late into the night. I hoped that I wouldn't have to go through that again, but I did. Many many times.

Late that night, when we get back to Jeremy's house, he walks me over to my car and we get our redo. He turns out to be a mighty fine kisser, making the back-of-my-hand seem like kissing an old-school Nintendo.

Our relationship jumps into hyper drive after this. I have a curfew, so Jeremy jumps in his own car and follows me back to my house. We make-out in the basement until the break of dawn. (Sorry mom)

OK, that's it for now. Next time I'll tell you how Jeremy and I became the country swing dance stars of the 3 Ward, why I began a steady diet of oatmeal and licorice, and you'll hear all about my interviews with Jeremy for the position of being his wife for all Eternity... ternity... ternity... ternity... (<--that was an echo)


Memzy said...

It's too much....too much.....

Can I call a publisher friend of mine and submit this? Cuz this kinda crap is goooood stuff.

ps. I stick my nose up to "first kiss" status. How DARE he, right?

Amy Thurston said...

I am going to take a stab at how this ends and say you FAILED the wife interview. I still want to hear how you failed it though, so don't quit writing.

Cristin said...

I was so peeved for you I had to stop and grab a diet pepsi. I can't wait to hear how you failed the wife interview...oops I meant how he failed the husband interview.

Memzy said...

Remind me to tell the "Cereal Analogy" on a post sometime. It's a goodie....sort of a similar wife interview thingy.

Amanda said...

How many posts are you gonna take to drag this saga out? You got me trapped.

Erin Beck said...

Rebecca Ryan slowely unbuttoned her blouse....

Emily said...

I'm loving this. Keep it coming!