Thursday, July 31, 2008

Part Six: D&TT

You poor, poor people who have been waiting on the edges of your rolling computer chairs for me to finish this story. You've probably fallen off, or rolled on to better blogs by now (as if).

*warning, this is long, and full of 90s terminology, but I was too lazy to edit it down, and I just want to be done with it. Sheesh!

So, when I left off, Jeremy was interviewing me for the position as his wife for all eternity, dumping me, changing his mind, and expecting me to be his girlfriend again come sunrise, no questions asked... and I was obliging him. And only eating plain oatmeal and licorice.

Even though I would never admit it, I was feeling pretty bad about myself at the time.

Cause if I had admitted it, I'd look pretty pathetic, right? And that would only add to the humiliation of it all. So I acted like it was no big deal. I never cried when he broke up with me (till the end); most of the time, I wouldn't even mention it to my friends or family, and by the morning, we'd be a couple again, no harm done.

For all outward appearances, I was a positive, happy, accepting, go-with-the-flow, suspiciously thin girlfriend for Jeremy, but on the inside, I began to resent him. I did nothing to warrant the constant rejection.

I have since realized it was never really about me. It was all about Jeremy. I was just a player in the video game called The Legend of Jeremy Cla. I kept dying, but then he'd give me an extra life. It was only a matter of time before it was... GAME OVER.

Anyway, when we hung out at Jeremy's place, we'd stay in the "living spaces"--I never went back to his room. He could have had a huge Andy Warhol of himself plastered all over the wall and I wouldn't have even known. (<--that was a mean spirited jab).

But my point is, one day, I followed one of Jeremy's roommates (he had three, I've only mentioned Wade so far) into uncharted territory when he insisted on taking me down the hall into his room to show me his giant jar of change (the guy was a total flirt--Amy can confirm).

Awkwardness, awkwardness, awkwardness 'cause he's flirting with me, and I start faking interest in all the pictures lining the hallway. They're all Wade's pictures (it was his house, remember), and one in particular catches my eye.

I'm like, "Who's that?" to Brian (that's his flirty roommate), and he moves closer than necessary to see the picture, and then tells me, "That's Wade's little brother. He's in Brazil on a mission."

I'm thinking, Ol'e (that's Portuguese for oo-la-la).

Brian breathes purposely close to my ear to give me chills and tells me something about how he mixes several colognes together in order to arrive at a scent that no woman has ever smelled on a man, but I only have eyes for Wade's little brother.

From that day on, every time I go to Jeremy's, I make a point to never be alone with Brian, but I also make a point to look at Wade's little brother who was on a mission. I look forward to it. I can't leave his house without looking at him. It's like when you see a car with only one headlight and you have to hit the roof of your car, or see a VW Bug and you have to call "slug bug" and punch whoever is next to you. It was like that. I had to look at his picture. Jinx. Buy me a Diet Coke.

Now, if you're clever (and I know you are), you've probably guessed by now that Wade's little brother is Anthony, and you've probably realized that I eventually married Anthony. I'm not saying that I knew at that moment, when I was gazing at his picture on the wall, that I would marry Anthony someday. I'm just saying that he caught my attention, and I had to look at his picture. Jinx. Buy me a Diet Coke.

The picture below is the same one I would look at. Anthony is the one off by himself--Olan Mills really knows how to pose a family picture.

Also, keep in mind that it was the 90s. Everyone in this picture looked "all that," "dope," and "fly" through my round, 90s glasses that were a bit too big for my face.

(Sorry about the blurriness of this picture. It's a scan of a wallet-sized picture, covered in stone-wash, tapered-jean pocket fuzz.)

Now's the part when Jeremy breaks up with me for the last time.

I knew it was coming. Did you?

That night, we had gone out with one of my BFFs, Heather (<--total spaz, had some of the best times of my life with her), and, though he liked Heather, I could tell he wasn't feeling us that night, if you know what I mean.

When he took me home, we got out of his car, started walking up to the front door, and he stopped me on the driveway. He shoved his hands in his back pockets and had this apologetic look on his face. I knew it was coming, and my stomach had that familiar sick feeling.

He says, "Today, in one of my classes, this girl asked me if I had I girlfriend."

I'm like, "What did you say," feeling horrible, knowing it's coming...

He assures me, "I was honest with her. I told her that I do have a girlfriend," he hesitates then says, "but I wanted to tell her that I didn't."

"Oh," I say, and my stomach hurt.

"So, I think we should break up," he says. "The fact that I wanted to say that I didn't have a girlfriend, makes me think that we aren't right for each other."

"OK," I say brightly, "No, don't apologize; you're right. It's all right. Don't feel bad. Thanks for telling me, blah, blah, blah..."

And then I give him a big hug and wish him luck!

Gag me.

Inside, I was a horrible wreck. It was just too much.

Now's the part when I cried.

I threw myself down on the landing of our staircase and cried. But I didn't cry for Jeremy. Promise. I didn't love him, I didn't want to marry him (could you imagine?), but he did have the uncanny ability to make me feel bad about myself. Just like Wayne and Garth, I was not worthy of him.

But this time, I vowed I would not take him back if he called in the morning... he didn't.

I knew he wouldn't this time. He had specifically mentioned that there was another girl he wanted to date.

I wonder if this is how he broke up with Angela. Something like, "Hey, there's this adorable little 17-year-old high school girl that I work with at Subway, and I want to ask her out, and the fact that I want to ask her out makes me think that maybe we aren't right for each other."

I mean, technically, Jeremy was doing the right thing. How noble. He wasn't a cheater. He broke up with me instead of sneaking around behind my back... but, truthfully, I expect nothing less. I don't give out awards for NOT cheating. He didn't have to give me the cold, hard facts about why he was dumping me, but it sure made him feel better about the whole thing.

Anyway, I bounced back from Jeremy relatively fast, because I chose to. Not that I didn't feel hurt or anger towards him from time to time (like right now), but I didn't want to feel that way, so I would chose to let it all go (like right now). We stayed friendly; I even went to his wedding, which was shortly after. No, he didn't marry that girl from his class, or Angela, just another girl that he met a few months later.

After we broke up for the last time, I went to tons of singles stuff with Heather and had the most fun. I dated a lot, played the field... this is where I got my rep as a playa ya'll, 'sup?

At the very end of the year, December 1995, I went to a singles dance with Heather. I'm doing the Macarena across the dance floor, and, suddenly, I see HIM. Yes, HIM. The guy from the picture that I used to stare at all the time. His skin was tanned and his hair sun bleached, as if he had just come home from Brazil or something.

Heather and I were introduced to him by our mutual friend, Shane, and I was all nervous and said something stupid like, "I know you." And he was like, "You do?" and looked right through me, not the least bit interested in me or what I was saying. But I kept saying stupid stuff anyway, like, "Is your brother Wade? I think I've seen your picture." And he is SO not interested.

In fact, he doesn't even remember meeting me at the dance. That's how little an impression I made on him.

Still, when the night was over, I was all fluttery and excited and couldn't wait to see him again, and Heather and I get in the car to leave, and before my door is closed, Heather said, "I like Anthony." My heart sunk. I was like, "Really? You do?" with his frozen smile plastered on my face. Her answer was an emphatic, "Yes."

She had essentially just called dibs on Anthony.

The whole ride home, I debated about whether or not I should tell her that I liked him too, but, in the end, I didn't say anything.

Hoes before Bros, I guess.

This is about what Anthony looked like the first time I met him, in different clothes though. Adorabibble!

I had a huge crush on Anthony from the moment I met him, but, as you've probably guessed, it was a LONG road before we even started dating. I'll have to tell you about it sometime. ;)

Two final notes about Jeremy then I'm done.

First, when Anthony and I got engaged, he brought me a gift (the gift was really a loan, and he made me promise to return it when I was done reading it). It was a book entitled Sacred Intimacy, that talks about how to properly make-love and please your spouse and junk like that.

Second, I ran into him before we moved to Las Vegas. I had Cord with me, who was one-year-old at the time, and Jeremy had his 3 sons, under the age of 3, with him.
His oldest son was named Jeremy. Go figure.


Memzy said...

It's so good I'm salivating. I am making my next post dedicated to you btw. It won't come until tomorrow cuz I'm tired and want to have dreams about your story anyway. Giggling all the way to sleep.

Markie23 said...

I have that "sad its over" feeling you get after you read a really good book. Thanks for sharing!

Amy Thurston said...

You need to give us a book review on your "gift". I don't remember what D&TT stood for. And I don't think your story could ever end. You just have to continue on telling your life. Consider this a biography.

Erin Beck said...

I remember seeing Anthony in high school with his then girlfriend Jenny, now his sister-in-law, pinned up against the lockers making out with her..I save the details for the story on my blog next month. He was always a hot catch and I must admit a fabulous kisser...remember to read my blog for more details folks

Amy Thurston said...

I just did some archive research, so no need to tell me what it stood for anymore.

Cristin said...

WOW, boys can be jerks. I'm glad you didn't marry him and I'm really glad you saw the picture of Anthony. :)

Sooo...have any more stories lined up because I wouldn't mind more?

ajesplin said...

I still have the book, and I plan to give it back to him as soon as I read it, just like I promised.

There's an inscription to Jeremy on the inside cover, because it was a gift that someone had given him when he got married. He told me that on his wedding night, the first thing he and his wife did was sit down together and read this book, and it really helped them (unspoken words -->) make-love properly. I was thinking, "If our first kiss was any indication, you needed that instruction book." Obviously, he was thinking the same thing. He was like, "Jenny's getting married? She's gonna need some instruction, the poor thing."

Erin--thanks for the vivid picture you painted of Anthony and Jenny, pressed up against the lockers. Ell-Oh-Ell.

Emily said...

What a loosah! You were way too good for him anyway. Anthony is a stud!

Krissy and Jason said...

I must admit that was thoroughly enjoyable! You are one good storyteller and it left me wondering...why weren't you in my AP english class?? Keep em coming, i am now an avid reader of your blog!

abutler said...

I'm sorry I ever thought you were going to end with a gay boyfriend. You had me going the whole time. Little did I know this was the Jenny & Anthony love story/happy ending.

michelle said...

So many thoughts about you receiving an instruction manual for something you should not need a manual for - from a revolting exboyfriend...all thoughts end with me wanting to vomit.

With that said...when you were looking at the family picture and dreaming of Anthony...did you ever say to yourself "wow, his sister with the dark hair is really beautiful...maybe we'll be BFFs some day?" :)

Katie or Tom said...

He named his son after himself, what a douch bag!!! TIT