Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Part Five: D&TT

Right. Where did I leave off…


OK, we’re back from visiting Jeremy’s family. Things are as usual, and then he calls me up one day to give me a bit of surprising news. Wade (his roommate) had confessed that he had been dating a girl for the last few weeks… and she was Angela. Yes, THAT Angela.


Wade was concerned about how Jeremy might react to this news, but Jeremy was genuinely happy for them. He didn’t have any romantic feelings for Angela. To prove this, he insisted we all hang out together.


Awkward (<--read this in a high-pitch sing-song voice)


Have you ever hung out with another couple who was like twenty times as touchy-feely as you and your date/boyfriend/husband, and at first you think, “how come we’re not like that,” and after about an hour of it, you think, “I’m glad we’re not like that,” and after another hour, your like, “what? do they think they’re better than us, or something?”


…Well, it was like that.


One night, Jeremy and I came home from a date, and Wade and Angela called us into the garage (which was Wade’s room—it was kind-of finished off). Anyway, Angela was ritualistically burning Wade’s old wedding pictures...


Here I should probably tell you that Wade had been married, but was divorced. He was the other person Jeremy looked up to who had been divorced that I mentioned previously.


…and she insisted we stay and join the fun. Jeremy and I sat on the very edge of a couch, and smiled and laughed nervously and gave each other sideways glances. But we learn two very important things that night. First, we needed to have some kind of signal that we could give each other if we needed to make a mad dash out of a place. Second, Wade and Angela were unofficially engaged to each other.


All right, MAJOR tangent here, but I just reminded myself of a hill-air-e-us story. I’ll tell it real fast…


When I was in high school, Sara (little sister) and I were at some Young Women’s activity where we had gathered at someone’s house, listening to a speaker talk on some serious spiritual topic that went in one ear and out the other. Anyway, when it was over, people were small-talking, and it was getting rather dull, and Sara, who was sitting across the room from me gives me her, “lets get out of here look.” So I give her my, “totally, lets go,” look. Right about then, there’s a lull in conversation, so Sara stands up, stretches, pats her back pockets, and says, “Guess it’s time to go home and give the wife a little pickle tickle.”


It was a line from the movie A League of Their Own, and she didn’t realize what it meant. Oh, the look on our church leader’s faces…


OK, back to my story before you all abandon me.


I think Wade and Angela’s unofficial engagement made Jeremy more introspective than usual, though I know it didn’t have anything to do with Angela personally. He was just not into her. But one night, after a rip-roaring night of country dancing, Jeremy broke up with me.


Whoa wha… (says you)


I know. (says me)


I can’t remember many details about that night. I remember being surprised. I went to bed confused, but didn’t have much time to even process what had happened, because the next morning, Jeremy calls and asks me out. I agree, without even mentioning that he had broken up with me the night before.


He’s all cordial and platonic on the date… at first, but then he holds my hand, and then he kisses me, and then we’re boyfriend/girlfriend again, all without ever mentioning the fact that he had broken up with me.


A few weeks later, he breaks up with me again.


I remember being surprised. I went to bed confused, but didn’t have much time to even process what had happened, because the next morning, Jeremy calls and asks me out. I agree, without even mentioning that he had broken up with me the night before.


He’s all cordial and platonic on the date… at first, but then he holds my hand, and then he kisses me, and then we’re boyfriend/girlfriend again, all without ever mentioning the fact that he had broken up with me. Twice.


(Yeah, I copied and pasted that.)


A few weeks later, he breaks up with me a third time. Then guess what happened? Yeah, you see the pattern developing? I don’t even know how many times he broke up with me, and I don’t remember any of the reasons he gave me… except the last one.


For some reason, each time he called me up the next day I would agree to go somewhere or do something with him without question.


But why, Jenny? (says you, with a quizzical expression) You’re gorgeous, you don’t have to take that crap!


Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell myself all that same stuff you just told me.


There were many reasons I keep letting him wipe his muddy shoes off on my face, and some of them I didn’t even realize at the time. First, I liked him. He laughed at nearly everything that I wrote on my blog… I mean, nearly everything that I said. Ahem. But more than that, I loved the idea of him.


This is when I started a steady diet of plain oatmeal and licorice. Yum. To this day, I like to eat plain oatmeal (no I don’t).


At first, plain oatmeal was the only thing I could keep down because my stomach was in knots. Have you ever been so nervous, you couldn't eat because it felt like your stomach was already full of butterflies? That's how I felt all the time. A side effect of my oatmeal diet was that I started to lose weight, but I was only about 110 to begin with. I remember when I first got down to the double digits. I was like, "Holy stinking cow I only weigh that much? Sweet!"


It was like Christmas morning for me. I was so excited, so proud of myself, which made me happy, which made me want to lose more weight...


All you stay-at-home therapists are shaking your heads and saying, "At a time when so many things were out of her control, the only thing she could control was her weight."


Perhaps, perhaps...


Things continued this way for several months, but a ray of light was about to enter the picture, and he had blonde hair with this cute little wave in front, and green eyes and dimples when he smiled... and he was hanging on the wall at Jeremy's house.

9 comments:

TimW8 said...

Jenny,
I was reading your latest story about Jeremy with my usual "ho hum these Jeremy stories are getting tedious, there better be a big payoff attitude" when all of a sudden you hit me with the pickle tickle story...Whoa I'm awake and I've peed myself from laughing. Thanks.

Memzy said...

Who doesn't love a tickle from a pickle tho?

::giggle;:

There is NO ho hum from here btw. None at all.

michelle said...

I don't really like this Jeremy Cla character very much...but I like where the story is heading with this blonde hair, green eyed, dimple guy...:)

Amanda said...

So are we nearing the end of the story yet? Totally not boring. The pickle story made me laugh pretty hard too.

sarastrasser said...

Whatever for the pickle tickle. At least my innocence made people pee their pants. I need you to finish the story. Very interesting. I sort of remember this Jeremy fellow but it seems like he looked like Arnold Shwartzenagger.

Emily said...

I love you. This story has been so much fun to follow.

abutler said...

You're killing me Jenny...killing me I tell you. I have actually read every word of your story from the beginning, but I need an ending soon PLEASE!! The suspense is killing me.

Cristin said...

Hmmm I'm no Sherlock Holmes but I think I know where this story is going...but don't let that stop you from writing more. I'm sure others didn't pick up on your subtle hints.

Amy Thurston said...

Tell the one about Sara telling the home teacher she needed to go upstairs and make a boner for school the next day.

Now......finish the story please!